Amish Jedi: In a City Far, Far Away

Episode 17.2 ~ Robin

When Teddy's done using me as a test dummy for five new sandwiches he's adding to the menu, I head upstairs hoping to find Jason. Instead, I'm greeted at my front door by John. 

My heart sinks and I take a half-step back as if I can turn and run from him. 

John matches my step. "I'm going home, Zia. I'm here to say goodbye."

I freeze as if petrified. This is what I want. The relief I need. The only way I'll ever hope to heal. Then why does it feel like I've been impaled? 

John takes another careful step forward, his eyes wide and hesitant. "Please... please tell me I haven't lost you... as a friend..."

My throat is as dry as my skin in the dead of winter, but I manage to answer him. "What are you going home to do?"

John's eyes search mine for a moment before answering. "I'm going to ask Hannah to marry me." 

I nod and look at his shoes. 

"I'll leave it up to her," he says. "I can't make her accept me."

I continue to nod because there is a lump lodged in my throat. 

"I'm going to rejoin the Amish, do what is right – what would make Gramps and you proud of me again... one day. I hope." 

Still nodding like a bobble head, I manage to swallow the lump and glance up at John. "Can I give you something, before you go?"

"Yeah. Of course."

Hands shaking, I get the door open. John follows me through the apartment but stops in the living room as I continue to my room. I'm thankful he's regained enough of his senses to know what he should no longer do. What lines he can no longer cross. 

I go to the nightstand, top drawer, and pull out the diamond engagement ring. Clutching it in my fist. My heart beats like a clock ticking down the time to the end of the world — just my world. How I'll ever fully recover from the devastation, I cannot fathom. 

I make my way to the desk, tears already welling up. I need to get that under control quick. Snatching a loose piece of printer paper, I jot a quick note, 

Hannah,

Marry John. Be his friend. Love him for me. It's all I ask in exchange for him. 

Goodbye,

Zia

My hands shake like I've got a nervous disorder, but I manage to fold the letter, stuff it in an envelope, and seal it with my saliva. Turning back to the door, I take a deep steadying breath and head back out to John.

I will not cry. Not until he's gone. 

My heart thumping so loud I can barely think, I hand him the envelope. "It's for Hannah, please don't read it." 

"I won't."

I nod and then open my fist to reveal the diamond ring. "Take it." 

"Hannah won't be able to wear it."

"This isn't for her. It's for the baby. Sell it. Buy a crib or whatever you can." 

"Zia—"

"John. Please, just take it. Use it to open your cabinet shop if you want. I just — I can't have it here with me..." 

He must know I'm on the edge of losing my sanity because he stops fighting me and finally takes the ring and slips it into his jacket pocket.