Amish Jedi: In a City Far, Far Away

Episode 10.2 ~ Sandy Cheeks

After everyone leaves, I retreat to my room and pace the short distance between the nightstand and the door. I want John back. A part of me probably always will. I've come to terms with that. But this is entirely different. He is asking me to go back. To reopen Pandora's Box and let him out. How can I do that without completely falling apart?

If I let take him back, we will marry. I've never been casual about relationships. I suppose it's the Amish in me. Or maybe it's the Zook. Either way, he's asking me to choose between a forever with or without him. There is no middle ground. John will be shunned if we go back, which may as well mean I am too. If I choose without him, I get to keep my family but at a distance because he'll likely return to Wooster. I won't be able to bear bumping into him. John's very good looking. Especially with his red hair cut like an Englishers.

John's whole family is a bunch of redheads, like the Weasleys. I suppose that is one reason for my initial attraction to him at the age of five. But John has sun kissed skin and zero freckles. The combination is odd and beautiful, especially with his blue-green eyes so bright they practically glow. He could give Batman a run for his money that's for sure. And by Batman, I mean Jason. 

I sit down hard on my bed and the mattress gives. Even if I do choose to let John back in, I clearly have pent-up resentment toward him that will need dealing with. And then there is the matter of what Jason will say. The past weekend has sealed my inevitable respect, if not always like, of my overly-handsome neighbor. Will he still want to be my friend if I give in to my drug of choice—John Adam Miller? 

I press my palms to my stinging eyes. Why doesn't any of this feel right? 

Because it's not. If I take John back, it will be the single most selfish thing I've ever done. The only two people who will be happy are myself and him—and I'm not even sure I can be happy knowing I've cemented a wall between myself and my family. 

This is all his freaking fault!  I punch my pillow three times before falling into it, face first and letting out a scream. 

There are only two right things to do and neither of them seems possible: 1. Send John back and we both live out our greatest fear, or 2. Return and marry in the Amish church giving up my stories and never seeing my friends again. 

Jason's face resurrect's in my minds eye at the thought of losing my first non-John friends. Why does the thought of losing him hurt just as much as losing Megs and Leah and Teddy? Maybe even more?

***

When I wake, the sun is high in the sky and the apartment smells faintly of scrambled eggs.

Pushing myself up, my skin tingles with the weight of the bags under my eyes. As if a fairy came in and filled them with sand. Darn fairies.

With one wide yawn, I get up and trudge to the door. My stomach growls, urging me to move faster. 

I shouldn't be surprised when I see Jason standing in the kitchen washing a frying pan. Two plates of steaming eggs and golden-brown toast wait on the table. Each paired with a to-go cup from Tales.

"Morning," I say and realize I have no voice.

Jason towels his hands off as he turns toward me, worry lines etch in his forehead.

"Sarah's not back?"

"She arrived this morning. I hope you don't mind," he motions for me to take a seat, "John wanted to be here when you woke, but I thought you might want a meal first."

I take the seat, the hardwood chair oddly comforting. "Thanks... Megs?"

"She had to go to work, but she took John over to her grandparents' on the way."