Caligula and Caesar's American Adventure

A Picnic Tale (Cali)

So we just got back from the picnic. Here’s a rundown of what happened, since I’m too pissed off and fucking tired to write it out:

1) Cae says the spot I pick is “too much in the sunlight.” I ask her if it hurts her English body, and she says to shut up. I move it to a shady spot, and she says it’s too cold. Then I told her to choose the fucking place herself, and she said she was “too tired to deal with that bullshit.” So we sat in the shade.

2) We see kids playing in the park where we are, and Cae says they’re too loud. I agree. We take some time to throw pieces of bread at them and try and kill them with our eye lasers. Lasering was unsuccessful.

3) Some guys start to play frisbee, and Cae decides to join in, because she’s a “people person” and all that shit. I call her a “dick person,” but I guess that’s inappropriate or something. So she starts playing frisbee, and here’s the rundown:

Three: the number of times Cae yelled “Fuck!”

Seven: The number of times Cae tripped while trying to catch the frisbee.

Five: The number of middle fingers Cae flashed me when I laughed.

Two: The number of times Cae called the hottest guy a “born athlete” with an “athlete’s body.”

Two: The number of times the hottest guy seemed uncomfortable because Cae was hitting on him.

4) Cae asked if we had wotsits. I said no.

5) Cae called me a tart because I said I found the hot frisbee guy sexy. I asked her why she called me a food, and she said it meant whore. Then I said her mom was a tart, and she slapped me.

6) We started throwing bread at the kids playing in the park again, and one of them decided to be a bitch and report us to security.

7) We were thrown out of the park.

So yeah, now we’re sitting in the parking lot. I think we have a police record or something now.

That’s the sickest shit ever.