Caligula and Caesar's American Adventure

The Culture Trip (Cali)

So I asked Cae if she wanted to go to the CRRA Trash Museum in Hartford, and, since she was high off her ass, she said yes.

She kept asking if she could drive, because she’s a fucking idiot (or, as she would say, a “bloody idiot”), and would get all pissy when I said no. It basically went down like this:

Cae: “Can I drive?”

Me: “Fuck no, you’re high as balls. Go sit down or something. Just... Don’t eat all of our food and puke everywhere.”

Cae: “Technically, you’re still high too. You smoked last night, remember?”

Me: “Technically, you’re an asshole. Also, I was FORCED to smoke that weed. FORCED. AGAINST MY WILL.”

Cae: “Yes, that’s normally what ‘forced’ means.”

Me: “Fuck you.”

Cae: “...So can I drive?”

This was repeated no less than seven times during the course of our drive.

So we finally pull into CRRA, right? I try my best to waft out all the fucking smoke in our car so we don’t get arrested for being pothead assholes who accidentally got a kid high with second-hand smoke, and Cae tells me to inhale it.

I bitch-slapped her ass so hard that my hand hurt. It was awesome.

I got out of the car, and then bullshit happened:

Cae: “Why are we at a trash museum, again?”

Me: “Culture. Fucking CULTURE. Do you know what that is, you junkie asshole?”

Cae: “We have plenty of culture in Britain. We basically ARE the culture.”

Me: “Your face is the culture.”

Cae: “Shut up. Just... Shut up. So, again, why are we going to a trash museum?”

Me: “I’m hoping to find your mom there!”

Cae: “...You’re lucky I’m high as fuck right now.”

So we walk in, and when the guy at the counter asks how many tickets we need. Cae, being Cae, asks: “Do we get a discount if we’re high as fuck?”

The man just stares at her, and I stammer, and then he tells us to “get the hell out of the museum.” Awesome.

So I start walking out, and I’m halfway through the door when I hear a screeching noise. I turn around, and Cae is screaming at the top of her lungs, staring at a dinosaur made of trash.

“IT’S GOING TO EAT ME!”

“We have to leave.”

“FIGHT IT OFF!”

I grabbed her by the arm and lead her out of the museum. I think we got video taken of us AND our picture taken. Again: awesome.

So yeah, Connecticut is a bust so far. What a surprise.