Beautiful pain; Andy Biersack

Beautiful Pain

It's a beautiful pain
When I remember the good times
When I remember the good
It's a beautiful pain
When I let go of the heartache
When I let go of your heart
All the times that I keep holding onto
Even though you're gone
And the nights that I keep holding back the tears
I hope you found what you're looking for
~~~~~~
I turn around and he's there. Andy.
"What are you doing here?" I ask
"What are you talking about?" He asks me "what are you doing here?"
"I live here now," I say, starting to leave
"Wait, y/n," he says
"What?" I ask
"Can't you at least not look at me with obvious hate?" He asks
"No," I say
"What did I do to you? What have I done to you?" He asks desperately, he's almost shouting.
"The reason why I'm looking at you like that is because it's the only thing keeping me from wanting you," I say wincing as I say it
He looks at me in surprise.
"All the times that I keep holding onto, Even though you're gone....you have no idea how hard it is," I say
"Yes I do," he says
"How?"
"Because I'm feeling it every second of every day, it sucks," he steps a little bit closer and I'm trying to get through my head all the possible outcomes if I kissed him right now.
But I'm sick of this. Yes he messed up, but he made a mistake. We all do sometimes.
I step back a bit.
"I don't want to hurt you, Andy," I say and the thing is we've been spending more time apart than together and that's what hurts so much.
"When can you stop putting me first?" He asks laughing nervously "I want this as much as you do,"
"Andy-" and without hesitation, he kisses me.
Oh my god. His lips are soft and warm. They are perfect. He pulls me closer to him until I'm in his arms. Our body's are pressed against each other. I close my eyes and stay there. I kiss him until all my fears leave my body because it feels so nice. My thighs start throbbing so I let go of his kiss 'Andy this hurts," I try to get out.
He lets go of me quickly and we just stand there, taking in everything that happened just then. He leans in and we just stare at each other.
"I can't do this," I say.
"Can't do what?" He asks, stepping back in confusion.
"This," I say. He still looks confused. "Us," I whisper.
He looks up at the sky and looks back at me. All I hear is the wind making the bushes rustle.
"Do you remember when I took you to that barn?" He's not looking at me.
"Yes," of course I remember.
"I love you. I loved you then and-and I love you now, y/n," he looks at me desperately. "I can't let go of you. I won't let go. Everyone in my life has left me. It's a beautiful pain when I let go of heartache. I don't want to let go of you though. I want to be with you, y/n. And all I need to know is if you will be with me?" He's desperately trying to grab onto what we have,
And I don't know if I can do that too.