Beautiful pain; Andy Biersack

Love was made to break

I updated the end of the previous chapter so go read it because it's crucial to this part
Faded in, faded out
The feeling's gone, it's like we're enemies
Checking in, checking out
We're strangers now but I don't believe that
Love was made to break
No I don't believe that love was made to break
It seems we live for a fight
But I can feel it tonight
So now I'm leaving so now
But I feel terrified
Cause I am losing my mind
Trying to make it alright
Trying to see this all through
To the other side
~~~~~~
I wake up in a bed. I don't want to open my eyes. Because I know I'm not dead, I am very much alive. I can feel, I can smell and when I open up my eyes I know I can see.
I look up and know I'm in the hospital.
I try to lift myself up and remember the pain in my wrists. I groan, trying to get up and eventually do. I look around the room and don't see anyone.
I then try and get up, but my thighs hurt too much.
I push myself off the bed and whimper as I open the door. The hallway is busy, people are in wheelchairs and churches.
I look around, going from hallway to hallway until I reach the waiting room.
"Excuse me miss," says one of the ladies at the front desk.
I look over at her, waving her away as I look around the waiting room. I see Andy sitting with his head in his hands.
I don't want him to look up. I don't want him to be hurt because he can't be with me. I know what I'm going to do will hurt both of us but I can't have him being affected by me again.
I walk up to him and tap his shoulder. He looks up and gasps.
"Oh my god," he says and he hugs me.
I hug him back until it hurts.
"I was so worried, y/n. When I found you..." He trails off.
"Andy you can't be here," I say, letting go of him.
"Why?" He asks
"Thank you for everything, really. But I can't keep hurting you anymore," I say, tearing up.
"What?" He grabs my hand and we both look down, I see the huge scar and instantly feel sick.
"I- you need a normal life," I stutter "I can't be with you," I say looking down "I won't be with you,"
"I don't believe that love was made to break," he says strongly
"Andy, we were never in love," I say. No words can describe how hard it is to say that. It hurts. I don't want him to hate me, because I love him so much that I'm choosing his feelings over mine.
"Well I was," he says tears falling from his eyes.
"I've never seen you cry," I say softly
"Well you never will again," he says, this time walking away from me.
Emptiness is safe keep it that way. I remember saying.
But I was wrong. Emptiness isn't safe. Emptiness hurts.
So much.
~~~~~~~
1 week after counselling and staying at the hospital, I leave. With a huge dept and a massive amount of homework I missed out on I feel really stressed.
I miss Andy. I miss him so much and I know this is going to be really hard but it's not about me any more. I can't keep making him feel sad. I go to school and everyone knows what happened. About my parents and even about hospital. I don't know who told them and I honestly don't care.
I see Andy in the hallways and it's practically back to phase one, except he doesn't care about any other girls. What have I done.
I wanted him to find someone and not have to worry about whether he's going to see them again. Of course I miss him and I don't want to loose him. I never did.
I miss his soft,  warm skin and even the way he smirked at me.
But I have to focus on getting better and trying to make a better life for myself and I can't do that when I'm worried about him worrying about me.
I get all the notes off from one of my friends Sam who seems really worried about me too. We talk about everything that's happened and he comforts me through it.
I decide to do something with my friends so I invite them over to my house.
All of us laugh and talk and eventually we all fall asleep. It was Friday anyway so we don't have to go to school tomorrow.
~~~~
I decide to sell what is now my house, since I turned 18 while I was in hospital.
My friends help me clean through the house and inside me to stay over while it's on the market.

1 month later
Life is getting better. I just have no spare time anymore. I've gone back to working my jobs, I have school and I've sold the house. The reason why it sold so fast was because I sold it for not as much money as it was worth.
My parents have been on and off at court and I have no interest in what will happen to them because I realised that they actually don't really care about me.
I finally find the perfect apartment which works well for me because it's also close to school.
All my friends come over to my house and we set everything up until it's mine.
Life is good again and Andy seems like the past.

After dinner I take out the trash and walk over to the front of my new flat.
"Hello," he says.
And all of my insides melt.
A/n : so sorry guys this was so bad but the next chapter will be much better I promise !!