A Slave to Love

Chapter 46: Blame

My eyes opened but it didn't make much of a difference. The room was dim and the black curtains around the bed just made everything seem darker and secluded. Which was a relief. I liked the feeling of being apart from the world, especially right now. I ran my fingers along the back of Blade's hand, his palm flat against my abdomen. His body pressed against my back, his head bent by my neck.

"Blade?" I whispered, rolling over to face him. He stirred, nose twitching, eyes squeezing shut tighter, but didn't seem to wake up. "Blade," I said a little louder, grabbing him by the shoulder to shake.

"Mmmm," he hummed, his arm tightening around my waist and pulling me closer.

His eyes opened sleepily and he blinked a couple of times at me, as if he wasn't really sure he was awake or not, or who I was.

"Hey," he said groggily, yawning like a lion, which made me yawn as well. "S'everything alright?"

I curled up against his chest, not answering, and he started stroking my hair. It was selfish of me to wake him up, especially when I didn't feel even feel like talking, I just didn't want to be alone with my thoughts.

"I'm sorry about last night," he sighed, voice soft as the memories settled heavily around us in the still morning. "I shouldn't have left you alone."

"It was my fault. I was the one who talked to Alek." I hid my face, bowing my head to look at his chest. I couldn't meet his eyes. I just couldn't. "I didn't know he was going to do that until it was too late. He convinced me to go with him somehow, I don't--"

"Hey," he said softly, turning my face back up to his. His eyes were ringed with dark circles like hadn't slept well, and his jaw was tight. "Like you said, you didn't know. It wasn't your fault either. Don't for a second blame yourself for that. That is Alek's fault. He was the one who did this, not you. And if you really want to know who the blame falls on look no further than my dad."

I let out a choked laugh at that, surprised, and he cracked a tired smile.

"Well it's true," he said, "If he wasn't being such an ass then Mom wouldn't have pulled me away from you. And then if maybe he taught Lexi to be a little bit less crazy then Alek wouldn't have turned and wouldn't have hurt you. You see? This is all his fault." He had said it jokingly, but at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder if he really did blame his dad for what happened last night.

"We don't have to go to anymore balls, do we?" I asked quietly, breaking the heavy silence that fell over us.

"As far as I know? No, we do not. And if we do I'm staying with you and everyone else can go fuck themselves."

I smiled, but it felt strained. "Good. I'm not a fan of them."

"Neither am I, but I'm a very big fan of being here with you," he said, eyes soft as he searched my face. 

"Me too." I took a breath, "Um...thank you, by the way. For last night." The night was a bit of a blur honestly, but I did remember him helping me. 

"Anytime." His fingers slid down to my neck and fingered the edge of the gauze strip on my throat. I tried not to wince. "Does it hurt?"

I shook my head slowly. It was a bit sore, but all things considered, I'd been lucky.

"How are you feeling?"

My stomach tightened. "I don't know," I whispered. I didn't want to think about it, couldn't face it yet. He hadn't asked me about it last night or pushed me to talk and I was grateful for that, but I wasn't sure I was any better equipped to deal with it right now either. I just needed a minute.