The Unknown

Chapter Twenty-Two

When I woke up, the moon was high in the sky lighting the grounds of Pineridge. I felt wide-awake, partially because the brisk air seemed to slice through my coat as I made my way to the forest. I had to find my journal and I knew the only chance I had at meeting Alexander was going to the secret spot. Don't ask me why I knew to come here, but my gut told me that I needed to. So I went, heart pounding. I arrived at the forest edge much to quickly for my taste. I dreaded seeing Alexander again. I didn't want to face him and the memories he brought, but I needed my journal. My life, the only thing that knows the real and true me. The only thing that knows all my secrets. He had to have it, it was nowhere else in the castle and I searched all through the garden. I couldn't think of where else it could be. 
I picked my way through the forest, my coat catching on twigs and ensnaring different leaves. I didn't mind though, I enjoyed the forest and even though I didn't want to be here, I couldn't help but feel relaxed from the gentle atmosphere it brought. The trees grew thin and I stopped twenty feet from the clearing. I was in the shadows the trees provided, but Alexander stood in the middle of the clearing. He was pacing in a small circle, his hand rubbing the scruff along his jaw. He seemed distressed and I found myself wanting to run out there and warp my arms around him, to reassure him that whatever was bothering him would be okay.
I walked closer trying not to make a sound. Now I stand immediately outside the circle of light. I can see the lines of worry that etched themselves into the corners of his mouth. His eyes were squinted and small beads of sweat had formed on his forehead. He looked different in this setting, older and more mature. Lukas had definitely grown in the past few years. I had never thought he would grow to look like this, but now that I was paying attention I could see the same qualities he had when he was younger. The way his eyebrows were shaped and pointed upwards making him look perpetually happy, how his eyes seemed to shine no matter what mood he was in. But his tall frame was different, his strong jaw and sharp nose, the way his muscles caused his shirt to stretch. He had grown into a very handsome man. My Lukas was a man now.
I cleared my throat and he stopped mid-step. He looked in my direction and I stepped into the circle of light. I could imagine how I looked, twigs all caught in my hair, my jacket with leaves scattered through it.

"Hello." I whisper, I hold my hand up in a small wave. He doesn't smile, he just watches me. I feel awkward all of a sudden, so I let my hand drop to my side. He straightens and runs a hand through his hair, the long locks twisting and then falling back down around his face. 

"Mae, why are you here?"

"Ah, cutting right to it I see. Well, I was hoping to find you here." He straightens a bit more and his face seems to pick up a bit, "I wanted to see if you have my journal. You know, the one I had the other night." His shoulders drop and his face resumes the scowl I am not used to. He watches me for a moment and then begins to pace again.

"Mae, I need to tell you something and I need you to listen." He stops for a moment to look at me, so I nod my head. I cross my arms over my chest trying to stay warm. He nods to himself, takes a deep breath, and continues to pace, "You need to know I tried. I tried to get back to you, tried to communicate. My father, he was desperate for me to forget everything about my past. He wanted me to start anew, to have a fresh start. His intentions were good, but he didn't understand. I missed you Mae. I missed spending that time with you. You were my best friend and my only friend. I've never been more close to anyone in the world. So when I left, I tried to get back to you." He pauses catching his breath and then chuckles to himself, but it wasn't a happy laugh. He was frustrated. "I actually ran away once. I managed to make it back to the orphanage, but I was too late. They had come for you the day before. I was crushed. I thought you were gone forever, but then I saw you in the market that day." His long legs carry him to stand before me. He stands only an arms length away. If I only reach my hand out, I would be able to feel the heavy thrum of his heart. "You've grown Mae." He whispered. I step around him and walk to the center. I couldn't feel the cold anymore, sweat begins to form in the palms of my hand.

"I was angry when I found out it was you." I didn't look at his face but kept my back to him, "For the longest time I thought you abandoned me, left me without a second thought." I look at him this time and he watches me from the shadows he now stands in. He doesn't move so I toke that as my cue to continue, "To be honest, I don't want you to be here. I thought my past was in the past, but I was wrong. Everyday I discover that my past never left, that it stays with me forever. When you showed up and I realized who you were I didn't know how to handle it. I bolted last night because I'm scared. I'm scared of the memories you bring back, the pain that I'm reminded of day to day.  I ran away. And you're right Alex-I mean, Lukas. I do run from things." He takes a step towards me, now was the time. I take a deep breath and let the words fall out, "Lukas, I don't know how to change it. I don't know how to quit running."  He walks up to me, his face remains a mask of unreadable emotion. He stands closer now, so much so I can smell the earthy smell that seems to come off him in waves. I look up to see him watching me, his eyes piercing. He is asking so many questions in one look I didn't know which one to answer. His hands come up to either side of my face and he gently lets his fingers slide into my hair. Tiny spiders seem to crawl down my back, but the feeling is addicting.

"Mae, you don't need to be scared. You don't need to run from me. I can help you." His voice was rough, soft. There was an emotion behind his words that took me off guard. It wasn't concern, or anger. It was something that I only heard from my mother when I fell or hurt myself. It was love.    
His neck bends down and his lips speak against mine, "Let me help you, please." My heart splits in half and I'm kissing him. I'm kissing the person who is supposed to marry Victoria, I'm kissing the prince, I'm kissing the only person that understands me. His lips are softer than I had imagined, warmer. I feel him smile against me and I can't help but return it. When I pull away and look up at him, I find my arms are wrapped around his neck and my toes barely touching the ground. We watch each other for a moment, and then we laugh. The moment we shared was something from a book, something unreal. It was something that never should have happened to me, but it did. His head comes down and rests against my forehead. I close my eyes and breath in his scent letting it wash over me.

"I missed you Mae." He whispers. He wraps his arms around me, my head nestles under his chin. He hugs me the way you hold something you almost lost forever, tight and close to your heart. I open my eyes and let the smile take over, but it was stopped short. My eyes had readjusted to the light, and there sitting on the fallen log was my journal. Open.