The Unknown

Chapter Twenty

The sound of someone walking towards my broke my concentration. I look up to see Alexander approaching me. He wore a small smile as he watched me close my journal.

"So you're a writer?" He stood before me and tilted his head to the side sending his curly hair to the right. It still looked soft under the glow of the lantern and I longed to run my fingers through it.

"No, I mean, yes. Well, kind of." I stutter. He laughs and steps forward extending a hand.

"Walk with me?" I stare at his hand that is extending into the open space. I really shouldn't go with him. I could lose my job, and I can't lose it. My life here was everything to me and I couldn't let one person ruin that. 

"Actually, I can't. Liz said I had to get to bed." I stood and pretended to brush off dirt that wasn't there, "Thank you though." I began to walk the opposite direction, my heart falling. The truth was, I wanted to walk with him. I wanted to walk with him every night.

"Why do you run?" He calls. I stop and slowly turn to face him. 

"Excuse me?" 

"Why do you always run from me?" He stares me, his familiar eyes watching me trying to gauge my expression.

"Why do you keep chasing?" I retort. He seems taken aback and confused at that comment. My heart crawls into my throat as he approaches me. He stops inches from me and I am forced to look up to meet his gaze. A strand of hair falls into my eyes as I watch him, and to my surprise, he reaches up and places the stray hair behind my ear. The gesture curled my toes in my shoes and I swear I could have swooned if I hadn't been careful. 

"I just can't help it. I've missed you Mae." I step back. His tall figure comes into full view and he seems to analyze every little thing I do. He missed me? How could he miss me if I was never there to begin with? 

"Wow, I must have made quite the impression those first two nights." I turn to walk but his long legs quickly catch up.

"You could say that." I clutch my journal closer to my chest as we walk through the garden. We were silent and didn't say anything. The moon had come out to visit and lighted the path before us. It was comfortable, the silence between us and the atmosphere that surrounded us. I felt myself relax and become comfortable, which was strange. I've never felt this comfortable around anyone except Lukas.

"What do you write about?" His question caught me off guard. At first I didn't know what to say. I almost said I didn't write about anything, but that wouldn't make sense. I recall his words from a minute before, "Why do you always run from me?". Why did I? What was I afraid of, Victoria? She wouldn't find out, how could she? No one was here with us. I'm getting sick of running from life.

"My past." There, I said it.

"What about it?" I take a deep breath and the words seemed to flow out like they had been waiting for the right moment.

"I'm trying to find my future and to discover my future, I need to understand my past. I write about the things that have happened to me to try and come to accept my past as a part of me instead of something I hate." The last part came out more of a whisper than anything. Alexander and I come up on a bench and we take a seat. He sits to the left of me with little gap between us. I set my journal down in the space to the right of me and fold my hands in my lap. 

"Why do you have to accept your past?" Always full of questions isn't he?

"Let's just say my past wasn't the easiest." I look over at him but find he was already watching me, "Why do you always stare?" I didn't mean to ask, but he had a way of making me talk. He smirked which made me irritated, "Never mind. I didn't mean to ask." I look forward and watch the sunflowers sway in the soft breeze. 

"I stare because I'm afraid you'll disappear." He whispers. I look over and his smile had vanished, he was serious. 

"Why would I disappear?" He looks forward and lets his chin drop slightly towards his chest.

"You don't remember do you?" He looks back at me, his blue eyes searching mine, "You really don't remember me?" I watched him, unsure of what to do. I had no idea what he was talking about. This seemed to be the strangest conversation but I searched his face because deep down there was something tugging at me. And then I saw it, a slight indent above his left eyebrow. I raise a hand to my mouth and shake my head, it couldn't be. 

Lukas grabbed my hand and we ran for our lives. The rain was pounding and we knew now was our only chance of escape. The nuns had stayed inside and were resting in their quarters upstairs. We had it all planned out. We were going to wait until night fell when all the other kids were asleep and the nuns had gone to bed. The storm wasn't in the plan, but we both had agreed that it was the best cover. 

"You follow me and do exactly as I do." He had whispered to me during dinner earlier that night. We didn't have anything with us that night, no belongings to pack and no food to take. It was the worst plan in the history of all plans, but I was with Lukas and that's all that mattered. 

"Are you ready?" He asked. We stood in front of the heavy oak door that led towards our freedom. We had to be quick because the guard would be here in five minutes to resume his post at the door. I swallowed trying to wet my dry mouth and nodded my head. I was terrified of what was to come, but Lukas grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. "Let's do this." 
Together we grabbed the big brass handle and pushed outwards. It was lighter than it looked, but I didn't give it much thought because as soon as the door was opened, we ran. Our feet moved faster than I had thought possible, adrenaline coursed through my veins. I was soaked within seconds of being outside and I could feel the cold begin to spread to my bones. It was going to be a long night.
The rain only fell harder and the night darker. My hand was clutched in his as we ran, our pounding making sloshing sounds in the puddles.

"Faster Mae!" And I tried, but my young legs couldn't handle it. I tried to take another step, but my ankle twisted and I went down dragging Lukas with me. We tumbled to the ground, a mess of arms and legs. I felt the world spin and then come to a halt. I must have hit my head and passed out because when I opened my eyes again the sky above was a shade lighter and the rain had stopped. I groaned and rolled over to find Lukas a few feet away passed out. I look up and see a slight incline, we must have tumbled down a hill off the road.

"Lukas?" I crawled over to him and my heart stopped. Dried blood coated the left side of his face. His eyes were closed and he was cold to the touch, "Lukas!" I shook him trying to wake him. I didn't know what else to do, so I ran to the only people that could help. I ran back to the sister's at Sister Margarets. 

"Lukas?" I whispered. Tears had sprung to my eyes as I reached up and gently touched the scar above his left eye. I shook my head, this couldn't be real. He smiled as he watched me.

"So you do remember." His smile was genuine and I tried to smile back, but instead anger filled me. I felt my face go hot and my chest constrict. My brain kept replaying the moment he left in the orphanage, how he never came back. I stood up from the bench and looked down at him.

"Mae?" The confusion on his face was palpable, "I...why do you look angry?"

"You left me." I was shaking, I had no control over my body. I took another step back and then another. 

"Wait, Mae. Just listen." He stood up and reached for me but by that point I was gone. I ran through the garden, away from the only person that ever knew me. Tears blurred my vision as I stumbled up the steps that led to my room. I flew onto my bed and let the sobs take over my body. The anger had surprised me. I thought I would have been happy to see him, I though I would have been over joyed. I guess sometimes feelings aren't discovered until it's right in front of you. Lukas had left me in a place that was worse than death itself and he hadn't so much as tried to send me a letter. 

I'm sorry Stephen. I can't do this. It hurts too much.