(I am begging you, listen to My First Love by Tynisha Keli for now on when you read parts with Heaven and Pharaoh, no lie it sets the mood. Please do so, it helped me write and it is my JAM)
Well that's the fastest I ever ran out of a box of tissues. Usually I have one box for like two months. But today, just within about 3 hours, I used them all and was working on another. I can't lie and say that I didn't wipe my eyes with some of these tissues, because I did. And I can't lie and say that I did some manly cry that would make girls swoon over me. But I did let the tears escape from my eyes and at first I tried to wipe them away but Heaven needs me to be open with her right now, so I had to let them role. If I didn't she probably would have stopped talking.
Why it took three hours for her to tell me everything?
She stopped every few minutes to cough or look out of the window and her crying became worse. And every time she was about to get into a more sensitive area of her story I had to rub her shoulder and even squeeze it to make her feel comfortable.
I don't remember how we ended up in this position and why this made her comfortable but it's like how we were on the couch. While she was talking, I laid back on the bed and tried to control my breathing because she got to the part when we fought that day in school and she was ready to end her life because of it. That's probably why she doesn't want to have anything to do with me.
But Heaven crawled on top of me and wrapped her arms around my back and relaxing her body on top of me. "I'm not mad at you...but you want to know what happened." she had said.
Now...we were just lying her together and I was rubbing her back up and down. Bringing my hand up to the back of her neck, making her shiver and then down her back slowly, my hand dipping down into her slight arch and resting firmly on top of her butt for a while and going back up and she didn't mind. I stopped going so low after a while before she began to think that I wanted something more from her right now.
I inhaled the scent of her hair...well I tried but it had almost like a bland smell. I brought my hands back up to the back of her neck and she shivered just like she has been.
She was still talking about some of the things her dad had done and why she never wanted to tell anyone.
"I just didn't want anyone to think I was weak and that I deserved what I was getting. So I never told." she continued.
"That makes no sense, I wouldn't have thought that. I don't think that now." I assured her. "So you...live in an apartment over in the poorer section?" I asked her.
"Not poor....just a dwindling middle class." she clarified in a way that suited her.
"Sorry...." I said.
"Don't think of me any different. I don't want anything from you at all. I don't want any money or sympathy. I just want to make money for myself and forget everything that happened." she said as she hugged onto me tighter.
"I won't think of you as anything other than what you are. I still feel the same way about you and it's a lot to explain and I don't know how to begin telling you how much I care. But I never expected all of this. A man beating on you like that and you coming to school and me..just....me just doing all that I did to you and judging you and not knowing anything about you." my voice cracked and I squeezed her so I wouldn't dare let another tear fall.
She coughed a couple of times and cleared her throat, "But you were right." she told me.
"But how I treated you was wrong." I admitted.
Heaven sighed and began talking again, explaining more about what went on and she came across the topic of her wrists and as she talked about how her father used to grab her and slam her body against the wall I cringed and felt like that happened to me. I never would have thought she would have been able to take that on. Something so hurtful like that.
