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Chapter 52 - Kirsten

                                                                  52.  

                                                           ●•Kirsten•●

Before I could finally leave, I had to go for my shoes and jacket, and of course – obviously – Harry would take advantage of the time it’d take for me to finally get everything. He couldn’t let me go just yet. And to be honest, I didn’t want to.

Last night I had such a great time I didn’t want to leave, I wanted to stay with him for as long as possible. Too bad I had a boyfriend to take care of. He was probably at the gym right now, doing his job while his stupid girlfriend, the one he trusted with his own life, was cheating on him – and enjoying it a lot more than she should, if I may add –, but still, I had to go home.

I couldn’t know whether he was going to be back for lunch or not, but I couldn’t risk it. Besides, later I did want to see Angel. I’d probably stop by at Lana’s by the end of the day so that I could see the little girl again. It’s been something like a week since we’ve last been together, and I miss her. Though I’m still not sure I can face that little ball of energy and smartness all over me. She’s certainly excited about the idea of me and Harry together, but I don’t want to tell her anything. I don’t want to let her know that I do feel something beyond just “liking” him. I can’t tell her about what we’ve done together recently, but I know I can’t hide it from her completely either. Even if she does not know the details, she’ll notice something’s different about me.

That girl can’t be normal. She’s not human.

But after all, why am I so scared of what she may see? There is nothing going on between me and Harry, is it? Ok, well, the answer may not be the one it was a while ago – there certainly is something between us, maybe – but it’s not like I’m with him. Whatever this is, it’s not a relationship. And I can’t give Angel that hope to crash it later by not making it real. I just can’t do that to her; can’t do that to myself.

So, after good fifteen minutes – or, possibly, half an hour – of unsuccessfully trying to escape curly and mandatorily (sort of) having to give into his kisses, I got to leave his flat. It was a bit of heartbreaking watching him close the door with such a pouty and longing face, but it was not enough to make me stay, as I suppose was the plan. I still can avoid his charm; I’m still that strong.

Slowly, I walked back home, opting for not taking a cab, since I was still a bit tipsy and too out of myself, therefore I certainly needed a while to be alone and allow myself to think about which ways my life was taking. If you ask me, no, I’d never think about myself walking out another boy’s flat after really enjoying spending a night out with him. No, I’ve never imagined myself hiding things from Tyler because it feels good to me; not the lying part, just the thing I’m hiding from him. And no, I’ve certainly not imagined admitting to myself, even less to other people that I could fall for someone other than Tyler. And maybe I haven’t admitted to the world yet, but yes, I am falling (have fallen?) for Styles, totally against my will, and he knows it.

Because I sort of told him that I really like him, and he sort of knows what I meant by that. And I sort of didn’t deny his theories, because I sort of wanted him to know, for some unknown reason, the way I’m feeling towards him. And it’s actually becoming something impossible to stop thinking of. It’s actually pathetic how I had to wait for him to properly ask me out to realize that I do feel something, yes, and it’s just pointless hiding it. It’s not like it’s going to take me anywhere doing so, anyways. Plus, I left it clear I won’t leave Tyler. Even if it’s all I want to do sometimes, to let him go and deal with his own pain because I do have my own life and feelings as well, I can’t. I just simply can’t.