Damaged » h. styles au

Chapter 21 - Harry

warning: this chapter needs to be rewritten. I'll work on it and as soon as I repost it, I'll let you know. Also, Angel's short story is out. Check it out on my profile.

                                                                21.  

                                                          ●•Harry•●

She left. She simply left with no turning back. She didn’t even turn around to check whether I was following her or not, and that was rude. It shouldn’t be – we didn’t know each other quite well, after all – but I felt like she should’ve done that to at least wave me goodbye. Of course she wouldn’t.

But I don’t know, maybe I was expecting her to look back, I was expecting her to simply do that, even if it was for curiosity only; even if she wasn’t interested on seeing me, even if all she wanted to do was to make sure I wasn’t staring again (which, of course, I was. Not that I could really help it).

When Angel looked at me again, I smiled, and with the corner of my eye I noticed how Kirsten squeezed the girl’s little hand and started walking faster, dying to get rid of me. Well, let’s say I didn’t do well by flirting with her when I clearly knew she had a boyfriend. And yet, I kept staring. Even when she left the store, I kept staring her every move. Right after she was completely out, I still looked at the door, hoping that maybe she’d forgotten something and she’d come back to get it. But she didn’t. And it took me over fifteen minutes to realize it.

I wish I could’ve done different; I could’ve acted like a normal person would do, but I couldn’t change it now. I could only regret the way how I talked to her and constantly stared at her face; I could only wish I would’ve done something that would actually give us a chance of having a conversation just like we did outside the stripper club. And no matter how awkward and unpredictable that might sound, the best conversation we had – the only real conversation we actually had – was outside a stripper club. How random was that?

And it’s been three days since we last saw each other. Guess what? Exactly, she’s been on my mind since then. More often than what she’s ever been before. And I hate to admit that, but I’m finally thinking of someone else. I’m finally thinking of another girl. I do know I’m not in love with her or anything, but it scares me. It scares me because that’s how it always starts. You always say there’s nothing in there, there’s nothing to be afraid of, and when you less realize, boom, you’re thinking of that someone in a different way. It scares me because that’s how it happens: one day you’re all friendly, telling yourself it ain’t going further, and you keep denying until you finally accept, there is, indeed, something. And little by little it grows. It’s scary. That’s how human’s heart works.

I’m not in love with her, I know that. And I would probably say it is impossible for me to ever fall in love again; I was sure of that since a short period of time ago. But here’s the thing: I haven’t thought so much about someone in so long. Not that I tried to push everyone away, it’s just that it didn’t happen. I actually tried, for a couple of times, getting attached to another person, but it didn’t work. And Kirsten… She was in my head. I couldn’t take her away from there. Now that I did want to push someone away, I couldn’t. At uni, at work, at home, when I’m out with Davie and Mark… She’s there, in the corners of my mind.

I said it before, she’s gorgeous, but again, this is not what catches my eye. And to be quite honest I’m not sure exactly what it is. I guess man in general just have this thing for girls that seem impossible or play the hard to get. In this case, I don’t think it’s any of both options. She’s not impossible (or maybe she is, in a certain way), and she’s not playing the hard to get either. She’s simply taken. And she doesn’t like me. So I must conclude we, guys, are likely to get stuck to someone who rejects us somehow. And then again, I gotta remind myself, that I’m not stuck to her! Just because I just can’t stop thinking about how she acts doesn’t mean I’m stuck to her, does it? (I’m afraid I might know the answer).