Mistakes (A My Chemical Romance Problem)

Chapter 12: New Year, New Problems, Same Family

Avery.

No one knows how angry I am right now. I’ve been there for Matt since Bobby and Abby were born. I’m just. . . .God! Why is it when things are going so well things just fuck it up? Dad’s been drinking again, mom is just distancing herself off from the rest of her kids and she’s been so busy driving Matt to his radiation therapy. Everyone is just breaking apart.

Lily remained silent as I had to watch the kids. Dad was upstairs sleeping; Mikey and Alicia were gone out. LynZ and Gerard had been called out somewhere. Ray was drowning himself in work and practically ignoring his wife. Mom was away with Matt. Bobby was sleeping and Charlotte was at work. So I had to watch Lily and Bandit. Bandit sat at the coffee table drawing. Lily sat in the corner of the couch, her legs tucked up into her chest. It was silent in the house, only the sound of the pencil on paper filled the room. I sat on the couch with my arms crossed over my chest. I hadn’t spoken to Ace for the last couple days. I didn’t want her to worry about me and my problems. I watched as Bandit looked at me with soulful eyes.

“Avery, can we go to the park?” She asked softly. I sighed as my thoughts became heavier.

“No.” I uttered harshly.

“Why not?” She asked with a tilted head. I felt my stomach knot as my temper flared slightly.

“Because I said no.” I snapped in a whisper. There was silence again. My hazed mind was deep in thoughts of bad things. I just want to run away, never look back. I don’t ever want to deal with this ever again. Why did Abby have to be so stupid? Why did Charlotte have to sleep with Blake? Why did I say no to Faith? Everything would be okay if Charlotte and I hadn’t fucked up so badly. Where’s a magic lamp when you need one? My gaze was caught by Lily going onto the laptop and putting a song on. Oh God not this song. I could feel the tears swell up in my eyes when the song began to play softly.

Are you thinking of him?

The world is ugly,

And you wanted me to go.

I just wanted you to know

That the world is ugly,

But you're beautiful to me.

Are you thinking of me?

Are you thinking of him?

You can say I told you so

If you wanted me to go.

I just wanted you to know

That the world is ugly,

But you're beautiful to me.

Are you thinking of me?

Are you thinking of him?

You can say I told you so

If you wanted me to go.

I just wanted you to know.

The world is ugly,

But you're beautiful to me.

Are you thinking of me?

Can we both be ugly?

Are you thinking I'm the one?

We could fight it to the end.

I just wanna hold your hand.

And you're probably just too good.

I just wanted you to know.

For a four year old she knows what gets me. My arms unfolded and wrapped around two small bodies. I pulled both Lily and Bandit in close to me. I was in so much pain; I just want things to be good again. I never once begged for something but I am begging and pleading on my knees that this family gets better. You know when you get bitten by a snake you’re supposed to suck the venom out, that’s what it’s time for. We have to suck the venom out. I let go of the two girls and sniffled. My sleeves whipped away the tears. I looked at them both with a serious expression.

“I want you two to stay here, I mean it. Don’t go upstairs.” I demanded harshly. They both nodded in agreement. They both sat down on the couch and remained silent. My legs pushed me up the stairs eagerly. I went up to my parents’ room and scowled at what I saw. My dad lay in bed, fully dressed. He reeked of beer which made my stomach cringe. I was so angry with him, he promised he’d never go back to this ever again and once again here we are. My fingers  wrapped around a shoe that was lying around. My arm pulled back far then sprang forward, launching the shoe out of my grasp and at my hung over dad. A loud shriek that was broad against my ears. He looked at me with panic filled eyes. I shook my head slowly.

“Dad, what are you doing?” I asked in a hiss. He shrugged and shook his head.

“Umm sleeping?” He remarked. I felt a fire begin inside my stomach.

“No what are you doing? Why are you doing this to us? You’re supposed to be the man of the house; you’re not allowed to be like this. I know life is shit but it only gets worse when you’re drowning yourself in beer and pushing the people who want to help you away. Remember when I was fifteen? I came to you one night and said ‘dad no matter how bad things get never forget that you have kids that want to help you and that we love you.’ Do you remember that? Well not only do you have kids but you have friends, you have family, and most importantly! You have mom! And if you don’t want to lose all of that. I suggest you get off your ass, get straight and be a man!” I practically screamed at him. My mind was empty nothing but the echoes of my rage filtering their way through my memory. His gaze was blank and glazed over. I hadn’t gotten to him at all. He just made me so mad, I’ve never once been this angry at anyone. He knew better than to do this to us.

My anger resulted in tears flooding my face as my mind broke down the factors of life. My knees buckled and pleads escaped my guilty mind. I begged him to get better for Lily, for Bobby, for Matt and most importantly for mom. He loves her more than anything in this world, he practically worships her. I don’t want to see either of them hurt. It’s not right what’s happened to this family, it’s not right what’s happening to this family. We’ve gained and lost members, we’ve said hello and good-bye. So many tears have been shed in this house but not as mush blood. If this family wants to stick together then we need to wash the blood away. Now.