Mistakes (A My Chemical Romance Problem)

Chapter 31: Wake Me Up.

Avery.

I knew I was dreaming but it seemed so real. It wasn’t like any dream I’ve ever had. It is usually nice and sunny when I dream but this was dark and gloomy. I didn’t like the looks of this. I was still in the cemetery where Abby is buried but it wasn’t the same. Something was wrong. I wandered through the maze of tomb stones. I looked around worried trying to find Abby. I wasn’t able to think. I passed by many of those laying peacefully. I felt rain start to pour out of the sky. I wasn’t wearing what I usually do. I had on a black blazer and dark wash jeans. Oh great wet jeans, I’m gonna get a rash. I searched for a while longer letting the smell of death linger behind me. I finally saw her. Sitting by the tomb stone that had her name on it. Her small legs were tucked into her chest; she wore her overalls and the old green tee shirt. Something was wrong. She had been crying. She looked the same as she had the day she was shot. Oh no. This isn’t a dream, it’s a nightmare. Her gaze caught up with mine as I approached her. That’s when I saw the dark red colouring on the side of her face; it was streaming down the ghostly white face. The dark of the red and the pail of her skin made things so much more real. I saw the red again on the side of her body; her small hand covered something on that side. She stood up as she saw me. Her small china doll like face scared and pain filled.

“Abby?” I whispered to her. She just looked at me with those hazel eyes that haunted me. Small tears rolled down her face. The rain seemed to make everything wet but her. She was bone ry while I was now dripping wet.

“Why did you do this Avery?” She asked in a ghostly whisper that sent shivers crawling up my body. I toke a shaky breath. I was able to see the hot breath on the cold air.

“I did what? Abby.” My voice was really shaky and distressed. I watched as she moved her hand from over her heart, revealing a hole in her shoulder; she below her collar bone. Her ghostly expressions made me step back a few feet.

“You did this to me Avery.” She whispered softly. Her voice snaked around me. I stepped back again. I was a bit nervous and scared by this point. When her expression became strong and twisted I began to step away a bit quicker.

“You didn’t save me Avery. You let me die.” She whispered, her voice snapped at me aggressively. I felt the pain start to unfold. All the bad emotions were bursting at my seems. I didn’t  know what to do. I felt the tears start to slide down my face as she kept saying. You let me die Avery, you didn’t save me. Hearing those words only made things worse because it’s true I didn’t save her. I promised her she’d be safe with me and I was by her side every waking moment and I let her die. I knew I wasn’t going to run from this. I couldn’t. I hated running from my problems and so I had to face her. I had to face Abby’s death. I kept moving away from her until I fell over a tree root and landed beside a tomb stone. I leaned against it as she kept getting closer and closer. All dreams have a meaning, what was the meaning in this one? I knew what to do. I had to come to terms with my dreams. I was still blaming myself for Abby’s death and I needed to stop. I closed my eyes and toke a deep breath. I scrambled to my feet. My eyes opened to the small girl standing before me in ghostly manner.

“I couldn’t save you Abby, I know that. And I didn’t kill you, Paul Barker did. So you have to leave things at rest. You need to leave my dreams Abby. I love you because you’re the best little sister ever and no one can replace you. But it’s time to move on. I want you to be happy.” I hissed through my teeth. The atmosphere was intense before things went all Helena on me. There were dancers and the song. And Abby was dressed like the chick that played Helena. Ugh no more hot chocolate before bed. The weird part is, Abby wasn’t little Abby but she was all grown up. She still had all the curls and the ghostly face but she was taller and more mature looking. It was really strange. Oh wait it gets weirder. Dad and the band start dancing out no where. Definitely no more hot chocolate before bed. This is just way too . . . Odd. Even for me. And I’m the strangest child you may ever meet. I’m vegetarian by choice. And on New Years Eve I kept dunking cheese in the chocolate dipping sauce. Yeah I did. It was really nice but still I got really weird looks. I’m the kid who wears make-up to school some times. I don’t do it heavy most of the time but some days I go black around my eyes. Most days I just slightly ring my eyes with red liner and that’s it. Dad says I’m way to much like uncle Gee when they went to school. Then my worst fear was about to happen. It was like I was a ghost watching me lay in the coffin. I looked really dead. I knew I was dreaming so I kept muttering to myself that this was just a dream.

“It’s just a dream, Avery.” I whispered to myself as I watched my family and friends carry my coffin away. But I wasn’t dead, I was alive. I felt every movement. I could feel every step they toke.

“Wake up! Wake up! WAKE! ME! UP!” I screamed at no one. I was too scared to watch them as they buried me. Well not me but the other me. You know what I mean. I wasn’t waking up and I feel like I’m having a panic attack. I was having a nervous break down. The rain pelted me hard as I fell to my knees and screamed at them to wake me up. My eyes finally shot open. My muscles tensed as I realized how it was raining in my dream. It was actually raining and I had my window open so everything on my bed, including me was soaked. I looked at the clock. ‘5:55am’ I decided to get up. Mainly because I herd people moving around outside my room. And I have an exam in a couple hours. I walked down the dark hall way. Dad was coming from the attic. He didn't see me. I stayed hidden in the dark hall.

“I’m going to make coffee want some?” He called up the stairs. I herd a low murmur for a response. Dad smiled and pulled out a cigarette, closing the door that leads up to their room.

“Morning dad.” I whispered to him. He jumped slightly gripping the railing for the stairs tightly.

“Jesus. Avery, you scared me.” Dad muttered. I stepped out of the dark hall so he could see me. I couldn’t help but smirk at my accomplishment. He said I’d never scare him. I just did. Dad handed me a cigarette, I toke it anyways. Even though I’m not going to have it now. Maybe later. I followed him down the stairs and into the kitchen where Mikey and Ray were seated half asleep. That’s when the question popped into my head.

“Has anyone been listening to Helena earlier?” I asked curiously. Dad poured the coffee with a confused expression. I got curious looks from Ray and Mikey. They all looked at each other and shook their heads.

“No, no one has been playing Helena earlier.” Ray said. Hmm mysterious. Or not. Actually it makes perfect sense. I was dreaming of Abby being dead and we had a conversation earlier that night about Gerard and Mikey’s grandma, Elena. And the fact they made that song for her. It makes perfect sense. Okay Avery stop talking logic. I was feeling a bit stressed out but I’m saving this smoke for later. I sipped at the hot, freshly made coffee. The black mug made my pail skin look whiter.

“So how is your speech going?” Dad asked curiously. I gave him a half crocked smile.

“I got it down.” I whispered softly. I herd some one coming into the kitchen. Gee carried Bandit in his arms and set her down in a high chair. Even though she’s almost five. She is a tiny girl so yeah. Gerard went and got a cup of coffee for himself and seated beside me. He looked exhausted. Bee has been not feeling good for the passed few days. I wasn’t in the mood to piss Gerard off, especially this early in the morning. Bandit was half asleep in the chair when Gee finally decided to talk.

“So how’d you guys sleep?” He asked. He is such a sarcastic person. He most likely did not sleep. I smiled and told them about my weird ass dream. Ray looked at me with an expression that told me he knew something.

“Yeah, I herd you talking in your sleep.” He admitted. Honestly that’s it? He just wanted to tell me he herd me sleep . . . Talking. Huh, I never talk in my sleep. Dear lord better not become a habit. I sipped my coffee and listened as the guys chatted away about random stuff. I was waiting for the exam time to come up. I was never a cocky person but I do know I’m going to ace this exam. I rock at math.