Mistakes (A My Chemical Romance Problem)

Chapter 11: All I Want For Christmas is You. Part 4

Matt.

Being an Iero sucks. It’s always about the twins or Abby or Lily. It’s never about me. Bobby gets attention but I’m kicked off to the side like a piece of garbage. I guess I do have bit of a temper but I’ve learned to control that. Apparently it’s called cutting. It releases physical and emotional pain. It hurts the first few times but once you get used to it, it becomes easy. I’ve been cutting since I was thirteen and right now I’m fifteen. I know what you’re thinking. Why the fuck are you doing this? Answer is easy. You try living up to your older brother and sister or even your dad. It’s not easy. All the stress you’re put under is insane. I swear to God every time some one brings up what I’m feeling my head explodes. I hate being an Iero.

I guess this time I put too much anger in my cutting and I cut too deep. I locked myself in the bathroom and I began to feel tired. I couldn’t grab a towel to apply pressure. Shit I cut the tendon. Well figure movement is out the window. I figure it’ll stop in a minute or two. I just sat there in the bathroom waiting for it to stop. But it never did. The reason I did this is because All of a sudden three maybe four new babies are entering the house and I’m gonna be forgotten. Again. I feel lonely. I need a parent to take me out and have fun with me. Last time I had fun was when I was fourteen, almost a year ago. I must’ve blacked out. I heard the bathroom door open and a scream shatter my ears. I wasn’t able to open my eyes. Things happened so fast. Before I knew it I was in an ambulance. I opened my eyes to see a man kneeling over me. He shook his head when he looked down at my scared arms. I felt tired and light headed.

“He severed an artery in his arms.” The man called to the other person. I closed my eyes and fell back to sleep.

I woke up to hear an annoying beeping sound going off every second. My arms were bandaged up and an I.V was injected in my arm. I looked around to see my mom and dad not crying but they looked rather pissed off at me. I all of a sudden felt guilty. My mom held dad’s hand and she wore a very confused expression. They both did.

“Matthew Gerard Iero, you tell me right now why you did this to yourself?” Mom demanded with a soft caring mothering voice. I felt my lips tremble as the guilt of what I was really doing hit me square in the face. I felt the tears swell up in my eyes and blur my vision.

“I thought you guys didn’t love me any more.” I whispered with a raspy voice that squeaked. Dad sighed and brushed the hair away from my face. He looked at me in the eyes.

“Why would you think that?” He asked. I toke a shaky breath.

“It’s always been about the twins or Abby or Bobby or even Lily. I felt like I was being left out.” I whispered with a pain filled voice. Mom and dad looked at each other; mom had teary eyes.

“Honey, we’ve been busy with alot of things and I know we haven’t been the best parents but that doesn’t mean we don’t love you.” She whispered softly to me. I felt my heart become all warm and fuzzy with the love she was giving me.

“You’ll always be the early one to me.” She said a joke that’s been around since I was born. I was pretty early according to Uncle Gee. I cried so more while lying in the hospital bed. I had come to terms with my sickness. I don’t know if I’m really sick or what. I haven’t been feeling good. And something was off with the way mom and dad looked at me. They were mad but not at me. Was it because I was cutting?

“I can stop cutting, I promise just don’t be mad any more.” I said with a strong voice. I dried my tears and looked at my mom; she broke down and started sobbing. She was really that mad at me? I looked at dad who was crying too but he wasn’t as bad as mom.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. Dad shook his head.

“Tell me now!” I demanded. Mom stood up and stroked the top of my head. She was still crying like a baby. She wasn’t mad, she was scared. I then knew what it was. Mom says it runs in the family. I looked up at dad with a blank expression.

“I have cancer don’t I?” I asked softly. Mom’s cries became louder. Dad nodded and let some sobs escape his lips. I lay back down in the bed, relaxing and awaiting my fate. I was going to die and that’s that. I wasn’t going to live to see my twentieth birthday. I sighed and listened as my parents cried at my side. Worst Christmas ever. All I want for Christmas is my parents and I got them. But not the way I wanted them. I got their pitty and sorrow. Not their love and affection.