AWARE (After Allegiant)

Chapter Twenty Six - He's Not Okay

Tris

He's not okay. I'm afraid, so afraid that I'll lose him. I know I won't be able to deal with it, I can't deal with something like this. I know Revival serum is an option, but I don't know if it's something he's want. Maybe he wants to die. That's why he did what he did after all.

But he only did those things because he thought that he would have to live a life without me. I don't know what to do. Surgeon Ellison said he needed blood, desperately. That's what I'll do, I'll donate some of my blood everyday until he gets better. That'll work right? I hope so.

I reach out to grab Tobias' hand. He was okay, yesterday. What changed? His breathing is heavy and quick.

"I love you Tobias, you need to know that. I'm never going to leave you. You are mine and I am yours, forever. Remember in initiation when I caught you drinking right beside the Chasm? You told me I looked good." I laugh lightly. " and that I did well that day."

He's so pale. I press the button for assistance and the nurse comes in quickly.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

"Could I donate some of my blood?" I reply a bit too quickly. She looks taken aback by my statement. I don't know why.

"Sure. Let's just see what blood type you are, then we'll be able to see if you can donate your blood." She goes over to her desk and brings out a needle and syringe. It's a very small needle that I probably won't even feel go in. Not that I was nervous about that anyway.

"Roll up your sleeve and give me your arm." I do what she says. She rubs some alcohol onto my skin and quickly pricks my forearm. The syringe starts to fill with blood, my blood. I relax my face and look at Tobias on the bed.

"You must be used to being jabbed with needles huh?" I nod.

"I'm more used to them going into my neck." I say.

"Oh, I know I've watched you since I was ten." She says this without even thinking. I'm still not comfortable with knowing that people have watched me since I was born. Probably never will be.

"Okay, that's it." She exclaims pulling the needle out from my arm. The nurse runs to her computer and does medical things that I don't care to understand.

+++

"So Tris, your an O- blood type which is perfect for donating blood. So follow me please." I follow her into a separate room and sit down. Quickly she stabs my in the forearm with a bigger needle and begins pumping my blood into a large clear plastic bag. I wait until it's full and leave.

This better work because I'm already feeling dizzy.

+++

They're pumping my blood into Tobias at the minute. It's a bit weird. They stabbed a huge needle into his forearm that's got a long skinny tube which is connected to the clear bags full of my blood in it.

I wait until all the bags have been emptied into Tobias, all two bags. Two bags of my blood! The nurses pull the needle out of Tobias expertly, thank me and leave. I don't know what to do now. I could talk to him but it's not like he's going to talk back.

I walk over to him and sit down on the chair next to his bed. The chair I've been living for weeks. It's been two or three weeks since Tobias went into the coma. I don't know how many exactly, I lose count. The pain is tearing me apart, limb by limb.

He's not dead yet Tris, not yet.

I take his hand in mine and squeeze it. Sometimes I think if I squeeze hard enough, I will send some kind of life back into him and he'll flush with colour and wake up. He'll press kisses to my mouth and assure me that he won't go again. Not again. I blink away the tears and focus on his features. His spare upper lip and full lower lip. His eyes are so deep-set that, when his yes are open, his eyelashes touch the skin under his eyebrows. But his eyes, oh, his eyes. Deep dark blue, a dreaming, sleeping, waiting colour. I don't have to see them to know. I've got him memorised. His words find away to sneak back into my mind.

'I might be in love with you.' He smiles a little. 'I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you though.'

'That's sensible of you.' I say smiling too. 'We should find a piece of paper so you can make a list or a chart or something.' I feel his laughter against my side, his nose sliding along my jaw, his lips pressing behind my ear.

'Maybe I'm already sure.' He says, 'and I just don't want to frighten you.' I laugh a little.

'Then you should know better.'

'Fine,' he says. 'Then I love you.'

Okay guys, can we talk about this picture of Theo and some of the cast back in 2013. It made me laugh way too hard for too long. Theo's face, is beautiful, but oh so funny.