Growing up (MWL's sequel)✔️

34. You look like you need a drink

Chapter Thirty-Four

I've changed.

I thought as I did something I would have never done two months ago.

I pushed Evan away.

Well, with one good hand but I did. The look of hurt and shock on his face pained me but I had to do it. I couldn't deal with that, I couldn't deal with him. I was done for the night. No more emotion-related situations, no more dealing with other people's feelings. I had to deal with my own.

Evan pushed through his hurt and tried to approach me once again but I raised my hand, "No."

His face fell. Rejection wasn't something he was used to, at least not coming from me, "I... I'm sorry."

"What are you doing, Evan?" my tone sounded harsher than I intended.

"I was worried and I was just so glad to see you were okay that I..." he looked at me with that intensity that used to get me all nervous and giggly, not this time.

"That you kissed me?" he nodded.

"I was really worried, Jules. You have no idea." His words were sincere, I could see it in the dark pool of his eyes but that didn't make me feel any better. My emotions seemed to be in sort of a trance: frozen and unfelt.

I tried letting out a long breath but failed, "I'm okay."

"Jules, I... tonight, I'm really sorry. You got hurt and it was all my fault. I'd do anything to make it up to you."

"Anything?"

He nodded eagerly, "Anything."

I stared right into his eyes, "Then leave."

His eyes widened, "What?"

"Leave, Evan. Get out." I pronounced each word slowly. I had no idea where all this anger coming from. A sleeping volcano filled with emotions had erupted within me.

"Jules, you are right to be angry at me but why are you deliberately trying to hurt me?" His voice held a hint of sadness I didn't miss.

"Because I want you to leave!" I yelled at him, "This isn't about you for the first time, Evan. This is about me. I want to be alone. I need to be alone. Did you even ask me why my face is red from crying? No, you just burst into this room and kissed me hoping that kiss would make everything okay between us. Well not this time, Evan. I've had enough for the night. I can't deal with this right now. I literally can't." Tears blurred my vision but I fought them back.

Evan's mouth opened and closed a few times. He didn't know what to say, "Alright." His cold facade had come to the surface, straightening his expression, giving his dark eyes that glint of emptiness I knew so well. "As you wish." He turned his back to me and I let the tears fall.

As soon as he walked out of the door, I broke into sobs.

Not for him but for everything. I cried myself to sleep on Christmas night. That was not how I planned my Holidays but once again, life was truly unpredictable.

-

I just wanted a calm, regular New year's eve. I didn't even want a celebration. With everything I had gone through, I wanted things as simple as it could get: Wait until midnight, scream Happy new year and then go to sleep.

Sleep.

There'd been a lot of that the past week.

Anyway, simple wasn't a word that suited my friends. They didn't agree with the way I wanted things and well, I did try to manipulate them with my whole fractured finger speech. To my surprise, it didn't work.