SHE'S MINE → JASON MCCANN

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chapter seventy |
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He looks thin, his cheek bones are defined. His eyes look tired. His hair is a long mess, he is even starting to grow stubble. He wouldn't even speak unless it has anything to do with the Gang. He pushes everyone out, especially me. I know he hasn't slept in exactly three days. Three days from today is when I got the call saying that we were leaving New York for good.

Once I noticed that Y/n wasn't with him when he arrived at the Airport, I knew what had happened. I kept asking him where she was but he wouldn't even speak to me—anyone.

"She called me." I finally say, while studying his face. He has a blank look on his face. I know that leaving her is eating away at him. It is even eating away at me. I know that he is still convincing himself that what he did was for the best. I personally don't see it. "Jason?" I ask once I didn't receive any ounce of remorse—not even a response.

He has been like this for days. He's been emotionless, indifferent. How is leaving her "for the best" if he's feeling this way? It just doesn't make any sense to me. I can't even stop to think how she is possibly feeling. It was hard for me to just see the number calling my phone & not being able to answer. She is actually my best friend, I shouldn't be doing this to her. You don't just push the people you love out.

Maybe she's happy, she's with her family now. Isn't that what she always wanted?

"You were supposed to disconnect your number. Why haven't you?" He asked harshly. I can tell that he is becoming frustrated about the conversation. He grips his hand on the steering wheel as we are parked in front of the bank. "Because...I don't want to completely shut her out." I say defensively. He sighs, running his fingers through his messy hair. "Lotus, we're not shutting her out. She has her family now—okay?" He says. I swallow down hard as I took in his words. No it's not okay.

"You wanted her. You made her fall in love with you. She never wanted this, you did. I remember you use to tell me all you possibly want out of this messed up world was for her to feel something for you, for her to not look at you & feel disgust. So how could you just leave her? You got her to finally love you & you leave her. That's fucked up." I say feeling bad for the girl that was helplessly laying in a hotel room, trying to figure out what she did wrong. I notice that his lip was quivering, he bit on it, trying to contain what ever emotion he was feeling.

"Do you still love her?" I ask. I know I was pushing my luck by asking him about her. I know that any moment he would possibly spas on me. I know this is a dumb question but I wanted to know if he is willing to own up to his feelings or block them out. I watch as he closes his eyes momentarily. "Stop." He breathes.

"Why? Just tell me why you left her. Is it because you didn't feel that you were good enough for her?" I ask him. He scoffs, leaning his head on the wheel stressfully. I sat there in the passenger seat, watching him possibly mentally break down. "Just stop." He groans out. "No. You wouldn't be feeling this way if you were with her. So tell me." I say, raising my voice slightly.

"Because I don't love her anymore! Now stop fucking asking me about her. I don't want to hear her name—I don't want you to talk about her! I don't want to know what she's doing, who she is with. I'm done." He yells. My heart was racing extremely fast. He quickly sped away once Matt & Josh hopped into the truck, with duffel bags in each of their hands. I didn't notice them walking out of the bank, my mind is still taking in everything he just said.

I almost believed the words that came out of his mouth. Typical Jason. This is his defense magcanisam—pretending he doesn't care.

A/N: Thanks for reading.