Torn

34.

Seven Months Later

     Hannah was still speaking to me, occasionally.  She and Mike had broken up due to the affair.  Do I blame her?  No.  I had been in her shoes and did the exact same thing.  Unfortunately, I turned around and did the same thing to someone else.

     I knew that Josh was the one that I was supposed to be with.  I knew it the day that I fessed up and told him everything.  I had made a terrible, horrible and completely stupid mistake, and yet he found it in his heart to forgive me.  

     Mike, however, wasn't so forgiving in my decision.  He was mad and hurt and really, really pissed off.  He said that he had given up Hannah to be with me, that he loved me.  I told him that my emotions had gotten the better of me and that I had made a mistake.  I took his caring and compassion and thought it was love.  There is so much more to love than that.  But I was upset and messed up and gave into something I never should have.  I made a mistake, a horrible mistake.  I loved Mike as a friend, but nothing more.  He didn't like that too much, but it was the truth.

     Josh and I had started to work things out.  It was painstakingly slow, but progress was being made.  I had to earn back his trust.  I was willing to do whatever it took to make him realize how much I loved him.

     I had moved out of my apartment and in with Josh.  Mike and he had a tense relationship at the moment.  Marianas Trench was still moving ahead with their newest album, slowly.  The only thing between me and all of our happiness was this bulging belly that I now possessed.  I couldn't wait to find out who the father was.  

     Josh said he didn't care if he wasn't biologically the baby's father, he would still raise it as if it were his own.  It was one thing to say it, but it was a completely different matter to follow through with it.  I wouldn't blame Josh if the baby turned out to be Mike's and he couldn't handle it.  Really, how could I expect him to?

     I had woke up in the morning feeling a bit off.  I felt as if I had picked up a bug of some kind.  It was really dragging me down.  My stomach ached and my back was killing me.  I thought maybe a nap would help.  I was just about to lay down on the couch when a sharp pain ripped through my abdomen.  I screamed and collapsed on the couch.  God!  What was happening?  I wasn't due for at least another month!  The pain returned, searing through me.  

     Bennie trotted over and pushed her cold nose against my cheek.  She whimpered softly, nudging me.  I wrapped an arm around her and held my breath.  Something wasn't right.  It hurt so bad!  I bit down on my lip to keep from screaming.  I reached for my phone that was on the coffee table.  I knocked it to the floor.  

     "Damn it!  Please!"  Bennie lay at my feet and whined again.  I was finally able to grab the phone and call Josh.  As it rang, I prayed that he would pick up.  He had gone to visit his parents that morning.  He said he would be back sometime before dinner.  It was now two in the afternoon.  Another pain ripped through me.  Tears ran down my face.

     "Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up!  Please Josh!"

     Finally Josh answered.  "Hey Mila, what's up?"

     "Help!  Josh, oh god!  It hurts so much!"  Tears clogged my voice.  "I need you!"

     "Be right there."  He hung up.  Thank god his parents didn't live far away.

     "Okay Bennie, we can do this."  I suddenly had an overwhelming urge to go to the bathroom.  I stood up to make the walk, but as I did, a strange sensation washed over me.  I looked down to see blood running down my legs.  I screamed at the top of my lungs.  Bennie ran to the front door and bark wildly, as if for help.  God please not my baby!

     Josh burst through the door, Bennie running wildly around his legs.  "Not now Ben!"  He yelled, pushing past her.  He took one look at me and dialed 911.

     "Yes, I need an ambulance at 1712 Acadia Road.  My girlfriend is seven and a half months pregnant and bleeding profusely."  His voice was calm but his eyes revealed his fear.  "Yes?  Okay."  His eyes flashed to me.  "I need you to lie down babe, we are gonna prop your feet up.  Ambulance is on the way."  He grabbed the cushions off the couch and put them under my feet and one pillow under my head.  Bennie lay at my head, licking my cheek as I cried.  Josh looked at me, fear written all over his face.  He grabbed my hand and held it tight.

     "Josh, I am so sorry!"  I sobbed.  "This, this must be my punishment.  You know, for all of the horrible things I have done."  Karma was indeed a wicked bitch.

     "Shhhhh!  No, don't think like that.  We will get you to the hospital and everything will be fine.  Okay?"

     The sound of approaching sirens filled the air.  Moments later, the door burst open and the paramedics raced in.  Josh was pushed aside.  He grabbed Bennie by her collar and pulled her back.  She whined and pulled, trying to get close to me.  I was quickly loaded on the stretcher and put in the back of the ambulance.  Josh locked the house and hopped in the back as well.  I was terrified as we headed towards the hospital.  I just held onto Josh's hand and prayed that everything would be okay.  Once we arrived, there was a rush of activity all around us.  Blood pressure monitors, fetal heart monitors, temperatures were taken and so much more.

     "The baby has a strong heart beat."  The nurse on duty told us.  The doctor nodded and then pulled the nurse aside.  I couldn't quite hear what they were saying.  I was trying to read their faces, but to no avail.  The pain was getting worse and I was getting very light headed.  Blood was still flowing out of me.  I didn't know what was happening but I was terrified.

     "We need to do an emergency c-section."  The doctor told us.  "We believe that you may have ruptured your uterus.  We need to get the baby out now.  If we don't, I am afraid that your baby won't make it."  I nodded.  What else could I do?  This was it.  They would fix it and the pain would be over and I would finally have my baby.

     A team of nurses came in and grabbed a hold of the bed and steered it out the door.  

     "I'm sorry,"  A nurse lay her hand on Josh's arm.  "Hunny, you can't go in with her.  It's going to be an emergency surgery so they are going to put her under general anesthesia.  I'm sorry but you can see her once the baby is born."

     Josh's face was a mask of concern as they wheeled me away.  I was horribly disappointed.  I wanted at least one of us to see our baby born.  I was scared to be put under for the procedure.  I wanted to hear my baby's first cry.  Hear the doctor say if it is a boy or a girl.  I was going to be asleep for it all.  

     Josh bent down and kissed me softly on the lips.  I looked into his eyes and smiled.  For the first time in months, I saw the old Josh.  The one who loved me unconditionally, no matter what my faults.  I smiled up at him, in spite of the pain.

     "I love you."  I whispered.  "I will see you when this is all over."

     "Together forever baby."  He smiled at me and stepped out of the way and let the gurney pass by.  

     The doors swung closed behind us as we entered the operating room.