Torn

13.

     I awoke to the sound of running water.  I yawned, and snuggled down deeper under the covers and closed my eyes once again.  The sheets felt luxurious against my skin.  Suddenly, remembering what had transpired the night before, my eyes snapped open and I was fully awake.  I looked beside me to Josh's empty side of the bed.  I jumped out of bed and began frantically searching for my clothes.  My black tank top was lying in a wrinkled heap on the floor at the end of the bed.  My blue jeans were there as well, completely inside out.  I found all of my under garments, along with my socks, strewn halfway across the floor.  I picked up all of my clothes and sat down on the end of the bed to get dressed.  The bedroom door opened, and Josh stood there, towel around his hips and damp hair hanging slightly in his eyes.

     "Good morning."  His smile was genuine and affectionate. 

     I smiled back, but said nothing.  I didn't trust my voice just yet.

     "You look beautiful."  Josh sat down on the bed beside me.  A smile played at the corner of his mouth.  "Especially since you are sitting on my bed, naked.  

     I grabbed the comforter and pulled it up quickly in front of my body.  I blushed wildly and looked at the floor.  

     "About last night..."  I started.  My brain was yelling, screaming at me, to just take a moment and breathe.  Last night had been amazing, but I wondered if I had not rushed into things with Josh to try and forget the pain that I was just now being forced to deal with.  Josh and I were the best of friends, what if I messed it up?  What if I ruined us and lost him completely?  The mere thought of that was far more than I was equipped to handle right now.

     "Yeah, about last night," he paused, running a hand through his damp hair.  "I know that you were upset last night and you needed a friend.  I am glad that you chose to come to me.  It's no secret how I feel about you.  Fuck, I don't want you to think I used you situation to just get you into bed.  I know that you need time to get over that asshole.  I am not pushing or anything."  He placed his hands on either side of my face.  "Look at me."  He said, softly.  I looked up into those loving blue eyes and melted all over again.  "I am, and always will be here for you.  You do know that, right?"

     A tear slipped down my cheek.  "You don't think badly of me?"

     "Never.  Whatever happens between us, happens.  Whatever doesn't... well it doesn't."  He smiled, and kissed me lightly on the forehead.  "You never have to worry about me thinking badly of you.  If you can stick with me through all the bullshit I went through, then I will always stand beside you.  I wanted to be with you.  I wanted to take your mind off all the crap.  Hopefully I succeeded in doing so."

     I threw my arms around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder.  "You did, and thank you."

     He held me close and slowly ran his fingers through my hair.  "No problem.  No problem at all."

     I pulled back and looked into his eyes.  A smirk was playing at the corners of his lips and dancing in his eyes.  

     "You do know that you dropped the blanket, right?"

     Blushing madly, I grabbed the blanket, wrapped it around myself and headed for the bathroom.

     "You forgot something!"  Josh called out just as I hit the door.

     I turned around to see him holding up my underwear between his thumb and index finger.  I held my hand out, trying not to smile.  He tossed them and I caught them easily, without dropping the blanket.

     "Thank you!"  I ducked into the bathroom he could see the blush, once again, staining my cheeks.