Torn

29.

     I sat on the floor of my tiny apartment bathroom.  I stared down at the small test in my hand.  Tears left their silent mark as they trickled down my cheeks.

     How could this have happened?  We were so careful...

     I stood up and walked over to the trash can and dropped the test inside.  My hands trembled as I washed them in the sink.  As I dried my hands, I looked in the mirror.  Fear and stress were evident in my eyes.  I had no idea what I was going to do.

     It was official.  I was pregnant.

     Nothing could have prepared me for that.  I was in absolute shock.  The more pressing matter at hand was now the question as to who the father of my unborn child was.  My god, how could this have happened?  I had been on birth control since I had started dating Darry.  I never even gave a second thought to the fact that there was a possibility that someday it might not work.  Of course it stopped working now.  I had slept with two people, best friends even.  This must be my punishment.  

     Karma, you crafty little bitch.

     I was terrified.  Maybe if the circumstances were different I might have been happy,  but not now.

     I didn't have anyone to turn to.  My best friend hated me.  My boyfriend couldn't know, and my lover was my boyfriend's best friend.  Dear god, I was so messed up!

     I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror at my reflection once more.  Red rimmed eyes were starting to become my newest fashion statement.  My face was blotchy and my eyelids were swollen and red.  I sighed and pulled my hair up into a messy bun on top my head.  I washed my face and tried to smile.  I just needed some time alone to try and figure things out.  Time to adjust to the whole situation.  Then maybe, I could figure out my next move.

     Oh man, I was so screwed.