Torn

3.

     "I can't believe you!  How long did you actually think that you could pull this off?"  My best friend, Hannah Glace, paced back and forth in front of me.  Her blue eyes blazed with fury and her jaw was firmly clenched.

     I was exhausted.  In my mind we had been over this a thousand times.  But, in reality, not once had we actually sat down and had this out.

     "I know, I know!  But try and see things from my point of view, would you?"  I pleaded with her.  "I love them!  You wouldn't understand."  

     Boy, was that the wrong thing to say.

     "I wouldn't understand?!"  Hannah exploded.  "You have got to be kidding me!  I love Mike and you know it!  But you just had to have him too, didn't you Mila?  You couldn't just be happy with Josh, oh no!  You felt that you had to have them both."  Hannah's eyes filled with tears.  Her soft features were drawn up in a mournful expression.  "You are my best friend, and we have been through a lot together, but if we are being honest here, right now I truly hate you."  She dropped down onto the shabby tan carpet of my apartment.  She picked at some fuzz, keeping her eyes from mine.  "Why couldn't you just let me be happy?  I was you know, blissfully happy.  Why did you have to go and ruin everything Mila?"

     I had nothing that I could say to her that would make any of this better.  Nothing that would make sense to her, anyway.  "Han, I'm so sorry..."

     She looked up at me with an expression that I could not read.  "Sorry?  You're sorry?  Well, that just makes everything better, now doesn't it?  Cut the crap Mila.  If you were really sorry, then none of this would have happened in the first place!  Just tell Mike that whatever it was between you is over.  Let him come back to me where he belongs.

     "I can't do that Hannah.  I love him too..."

     "You have JOSH!"  she cried, throwing her hands up in the air.

     "I know that!  God, don't you think I know that?  But it's not that simple!  You weren't there when all of this happened Han!  You have absolutely no idea how I feel."  I flopped down heavily onto my brown, leather couch.  I stared up at the ceiling, trying to decide whether or not to tell Hannah everything.

     "No, you are right.  I wasn't there.  So, then tell me.  God, Mila, I am trying really hard not to just stand up and kick your ass.  I want to believe that deep down you had a good reason for doing this to me.  But, come on, how the hell can you justify this?  Do you have any idea what this is doing to me?"  Her voice cracked and pain echoed in her voice.  "It fucking kills me that the two people who mean the most to me in this whole world, are the same two that are hurting me the most."  She paused, and shook her head.

     I sat up and stared hard at her.  "Do you want the truth?  The whole story?  Because if you do, and you are sure that you can handle it, then I'll tell you.  I will tell you everything.  I swear I won't hold anything back, but only if you are 100 percent sure that you want to know.  I can't take it back Han.  From beginning to end, once you hear it that's it.  No going back."

     Hannah paused, but only for a moment.  She pulled her light blonde hair up into a ponytail, and used a light blue elastic from around her wrist to keep it in place.  He took a deep breath and looked me dead in the eyes.  "Yes,"  she said, quietly.  "I want to know everything."

     I took a deep breath, and blew it out hard.  My stomach ached.  "Fine.  You want to know?  Then I will tell you."

     Hannah stared at me.  Her blue eyes bored into mine.  "Remember, I want everything.  You can't leave out anything that you think might hurt me, because come on, let's get real here.  You have already done a fine job of that already.  And don't skip over any details that might, heaven forbid, make you look bad."

     I brushed a strand of hair away from my face and nodded.  "Deal."