Lost Love

17. Crumbling

A/N: so very long chapter with a lot going on in it, I was going to split it up, but it all happens at once, so you are lucky readers! Do let me know what you think of this chapter :D hope you enjoy!! xx

‘Have you got your tickets for the Summer Ball?’ Blake asks me.

It’s a week later and with only two more weeks to go until the summer holidays commence, everyone is knuckling down to do the best they can with their final pieces of work. The library is the busiest I’ve seen it and we were lucky to get a computer for Blake and just a workspace for me.

I shake my head at her question. ‘Nope. What is it?’

She rolls her eyes. ‘Apart from the obvious, it’s the party of the year. It’s next week and this year they’ve taken over the sports grounds to set up a stage for the music acts, they usually set up tents for socialising and several bars around the area. They lay on a fair, so there’s circus acts, a mini ferris wheel. It’s amazing.’ 

Pondering the thought about whether to go, I give Blake the nod, but not before she says, ‘I think you can get a discount with a couple’s ticket.’

‘Oh,’ I breathe out, thinking to Ozzy. ‘Are you and Sam going together?’

She glances up at me and says, ‘We’re not going as a couple.’

‘You might end up with him though by the end.’

She grins at me. ‘True that. But I’m not narrowing down the field just to ensure I end up with him at the end of the evening. If it happens, it happens.’

In the time I’ve got to know Blake, I’ve established she has a very unique and different view to things, particularly regarding emotions and feelings. ‘How can you have sex without feelings, Blake?’

She looks up from her essay, before responding. ‘Oh I have feelings. I like Sam, but my feelings are a mix of a love of sex and a like for Sam. He’s my friend, a good friend, so yes, there’s feelings there, but not relationship feelings. When we’re having sex, of course I feel closer with him, but I’m not attached to him. Does that answer your question? I guess I can explain it like this, when I was in my last relationship, my one year one, we were making love. It was so emotion fuelled and intense it was all about our feelings, but with someone like Sam, we’re just having hot sex.’ She gives me a little giggle at the end, and even Blake is blushing a bit.

I let her get back to finishing off her essay, probably with Sam on her mind, whilst I text Ozzy about the ball.

‘Have you heard about the Summer Ball?’ xxx’

A few minutes later, he responds. ‘Yeah, just saw a poster for it. Shall I get us tickets? Xxx’

‘Yes please :) xxx’

Things with Ozzy this week has been...delicate, for want of a better word. We’ve spent nearly every evening together, having proper couple time, we’ve made out, we’ve talked, we’ve really focused on us and I’d like to say we’re bonding more, but it is still a little delicate. I can just see the panic in Ozzy’s eyes sometimes when my phone buzzes, knowing it’s not from him. I can feel his arm tighten up on my waist as we walk to lesson’s together, in some sort of fear that he’ll lose me. I can feel it in his kisses when he says goodbye to me, there’s so much sensitivity and meaning flooding through his kiss and I can practically taste his love for me, all the while I’m still no closer to remembering, which breaks my heart for him.

My phone lights up with a reminder and I swipe it to see what it is. That’s when I remember I have a piano lesson. I know I had said I wanted to wait until the new term, but I could not deny my longing to try and play the piano again, it was all too much for me to ignore, so I went ahead and booked one.