Kisses with You {completed}

chapter 18 (graphic)

Your POV. 2 weeks after

I'm staying at my step parents house at the minute as me and joe have decided to take a split. I now don't see Scarlett or Joe. I was so stupid but I was stressed out.
Flashback
"Joe I hate you, your so pathetic what if I did want this baby what if. I hate you joe and I always will. I hate how we made a kid together what the acctual fuck did I see in you. I hate that little bitch that we made together. You can go fuck right off because I ain't coming back you selfless cunt and take that little bitch with you and find someone else I hate you and I hate Scarlett. "
End of flashback

I felt really bad after joe took Scarlett and just walked off. Ever since I've singled away from everyone I don't speak to anyone and the way people communicate with me is just to look at my wrists. They then back off and leave me. My mum went back to the drugs after she met joe and Scarlett 2 weeks ago and is now reported "missing" I feel so sick and worried and its now got to the point where my legs, arms and my stomach is covered in scars. Cutting is my way of taking away the pain. I think back to what I said to joe. He's not the cunt I am. I'm stupid, ugly , selfless, fat, slag, whore and also a bitchy cow who shouldn't be here what so ever.
I look at the pills of paracetamol on my bed I look at the wine in the glass I look at my blade. I then look at the rope in my bedroom. There is so many things in my room I can kill myself with. I start writing my suicide note just in case it gets worse and I just quit my life.
Dear Scarlett
I'm sorry my beautiful baby girl I love you but it has come to the end of me getting to see you. I will always be in your heart no matter what. Just remember mummy loved you and always will
I'm sorry baby that this is short
I love you
Ask daddy why this letter has been wrote when you are a bit older
Love you baby girl
Mummy x

-

Dear Joe
I know this is short and I hope your happy I loved you and I'm so sorry about what happened and your not a selfless cunt. I am. I've wrote a note to Scarlett explaining why I'm not here I love you joe and I'm sorry. Spit on my grave and trash it all you want but I will always look down on you.

-
Dear Michelle and Darren mum and dad
I love you and thank you so much for my whole life that you have gave to me. I love you with all my heart. I would explain why I'm writing this but I know you will hate yourselfes. Just remember I always will love you. I will always keep an eye out on you all I love you XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
Your baby girl (sort of ) xXxX

I grab the blade next to me and I mark 3 x's on my wrist I then cut across the way up until I reach my shoulder. This is the only way to calm me. I begin to cry and cut my way through my stomach and legs I know instantly that I have lost so much blood but I really couldn't care.......

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Hey guys just to let you know I'm not taking the mick if you guys are going through something similar just pop up and ill help you through it. Just remember you don't suffer alone and there are so many people that can listen and some need help

I love you guys xx
Sorry this chapter is so graphic xxx
I'm always here for advice.
Hope you have a good day/evening/night/morning/afternoon where ever you are in the world xXxX