The Madonna, The Virgin, and The Whore

Chapter Forty-One

ERIN

He looked surprised to see me standing there and I couldn't blame him. Last night he basically told me to stay away, and now I was showing up at his door, panting and out of breath. I pushed my sweaty hair off my forehead and left my hand there, trying to calm myself down, but my heart was hammering away and I couldn't seem to get it under control. I wasn't sure how long I'd been running for; I lost track of time, but each step helped me keep it together. With each slap of my sneaker against the pavement I managed to push my problems further away.

And then I found myself there.

At his house.

About to come undone.

Jasper threw open the screen door and I stumbled back onto the grass. My legs were like jelly, overcome by the emotion I attempted to crush beneath my rubber soles. The world swirled around me and everything blurred out of focus. I almost went crashing down, but without missing a beat Jasper rushed forward and swooped me up in his arms at the exact moment my legs gave in.

I collapsed against him and he held me tightly as he carried me inside, repeatedly assuring me that everything would be okay. The absurdity of me ending up at Jasper's when he specifically told me to stay away gnawed at me. I wanted to say something. I wanted to explain that this was all a stupid mistake, that I hadn't meant to end up at there, but I couldn't make myself speak. My throat was dry and I was afraid I might throw up if I opened my mouth. I had exerted myself more than I was emotionally or physically capable of, and my body was shutting down on me.

Jasper placed me on a large sofa in a homey, pale blue, country-themed living room that was probably decorated by his grandmother. His eyes swept over me, taking in my haphazard outfit, the shorts and tank I slept in last night, his flannel shirt swallowing me whole, and a pair of sneakers on my otherwise bare feet. His eyebrows drew together and I could only imagine what I looked like to him, but I honestly didn't have it in me to care. I was more embarrassed that I was there, that I had somehow unconsciously let myself run right to him even though he didn't want me to. It was stupid of me.

Jasper told me he'd be right back and reappeared seconds later with a bottle of water. I tried to take it from him, but simply didn't have the energy. He hiked up his faded jeans and squatted down in front of me, holding it up to my lips, and I greedily gulped it down. When the water started dribbling down my chin, he pulled the bottle back and scanned my face.

"Better?" he asked, easing my head back down on the cushion. I only could bring myself to nod but it didn't make the worry leave his eyes. He turned towards the other end of the sofa, his blue t-shirt stretching over his muscles as he lifted my right ankle up into his hands. I cringed at the movement, the soreness of my body finally hitting me.

Jasper undid my shoelace, like I was a child, and then slowly peeled off my sneaker. I flinched as the blisters that developed on my foot stung when the air hit them. I didn't look, but the small noise Jasper made sucking in his breath told me how bad it was. I hadn't stopped this whole time and now he was forcing me to.

"What are you doing to yourself Erin?"

I wanted to tell him this wasn't about us. I wanted to tell him that I understood last night when he told me we couldn't get involved, but none of that seemed to matter anymore, not after Lexi. All I could think about was my sister, what possibly happened to her, and how awful I'd been. I just needed to be with someone and for some reason Jasper felt right. It was rash decision and obviously a stupid one. He took off my other shoe and I stayed quiet.

"Have some more water." He handed me the bottle and this time I was able to lift my hands and hold it with his help. When I was done, he put it down on the coffee table and turned back and faced me. He was frowning and I was sure he thought I was some kind of nutcase. Maybe I was.