The Madonna, The Virgin, and The Whore

Chapter Twenty-Eight

MARY

"Why didn't you really text me back?" 

We hadn't been in the car for more than five minutes and Ian was already putting me on the spot. Clearly he didn't believe my story about Lexi being the reason I didn't get back to him and frankly, I didn't expect him to. Ian was smarter than that, and for some reason he seemed in tune with whatever was going on inside my head. Sometimes, it seemed, even better than I did myself.

"Did you not want to go out?" He glanced over at me and I was caught off guard by how vulnerable he suddenly looked. I was positive that I was just a passing infatuation for Ian, but the way his eyes took me in almost had me believing more. He dragged his gaze back to the road but I continued to stare over at him, a little thrown off guard and trying to decide how honest to be.

"Ian, it's not that simple--"

"It's just a yes or no question Mary." His jaw twitched into an easy smile, easing some of the seriousness out of the situation. "It's a simple as it gets really."

I knew that I must've been frustrating him. I was in a weird place and Ian Malcolm suddenly showing interest in me was just making it all the weirder. I couldn't help question his intentions along with mine. Every time I'd seen Ian out he'd been with a different girl; he obviously wasn't lacking for female companionship. I just didn't understand what about me appealed to him. Even I could admit that my life was a big mess right now. How could he not see that?

"Ian I--"

He flicked his head back over to me and I got sucked into the intensity of his dark blue eyes. "Yes or no Mary?"

My gaze fell down onto his full lips and all I could do was picture was myself kissing them. "Yes," I murmured in a daze, completely under his spell. The corner of his mouth rose and his eyes softened a bit as my pulse started to catch up with my thundering heartbeat. It was so loud I was certain he'd hear it. 

"Yes, you didn't want to go out with me, or yes, you wanted to go out with me?" he teased with a crooked smile.

I ducked my head, unable to look at him as I admitted this. "The second one," I whispered.

"Then why didn't you?"

Looking down at my hands in my lap, I stared at my now bare finger. The engagement ring that Matt had given me was now sitting on my bureau at home. I hadn't put it back on since I found out about him cheating and I knew I didn't plan to anytime soon. The thought of that hurt. I turned my head and looked over at Ian, my eyes glistening with the tears I wouldn't let fall.

"I'm a mess," I admitted, shaking my head. I attempted to laugh but it didn't come out right. "You don't want any part of this--"

He cut me off. "You're wrong about that Mary. I wouldn't be asking you out if I didn't want any part in it."

I shook my head again and actually smiled briefly at the irony. I was at one of the lowest points of my life and suddenly Ian Malcolm was interested in me. It didn't make any sense. I leaned my head back against the headrest and stared out the front of the car. 

"For so long I saw my life was headed in one direction. You know? I never stopped to think. I never paused to consider what I wanted. What I really wanted." I shook my head. "Now that it's all fallen apart, I feel like I can finally have that chance. It's like the universe has forced me to really consider my next move." I stared back over at him and shook my head again. This time I didn't have the same control and a single tear escaped. 

"I'm so afraid that I'm going to make the wrong choice," I admitted in a small voice. Ian quickly turned his head towards me and flashed a reassuring smile.