The Madonna, The Virgin, and The Whore

Chapter Twelve

LEXI

"Erin's not here."

I squinted up at Will through the screen door, annoyed to see him standing there on our front porch looking so damn good. Self-consciously I glanced down at my tiny pin-striped boxer shorts and threadbare tank top, the one that I'd had since junior high and that didn't leave much to the imagination. I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to hide the fact that I wasn't wearing a bra, but it might've been a little too late for that though, because when I looked back Will I saw his eyes lift.

It was noon and I was still in my pajamas, that was embarrassing enough, but the fact that I was also hung-over really sealed the deal. I'd been sleeping off the party I had by myself last night and probably could have used another hour. My hair was thrown up in a messy ponytail and I was pretty sure my make-up was smeared across my face. I knew I looked like shit and hated that Will was seeing me like this.

But I hadn't expected to find him at my door that afternoon. Mary and Erin had gone out. The note they left said they were at the funeral home. They were making decisions regarding dad but, of course, no one asked me to come along. That wasn't an uncommon thing; I was often overlooked by my sisters. 

I'd be the first to admit that on some level I deserved it. I acted out in high school and if I had any rules, I didn't follow them. There weren't two adoring parents waiting up for me at night to check in, and I took full advantage of that. I lived fast and burnt out just as quickly.

Neither of my sisters really knew much about my life. But they had heard the rumors just like everyone else in town had. I knew Erin believed them; she'd made her assumptions about me a long time ago. And Mary... Well, Mary would at least try. She just never asked the right questions and I, of course, never volunteered any information. I was too afraid to.

Will scowled back at me. His chest expanded underneath his black t-shirt and he took in a steady breath before digging his hands into the pockets of his checkered board shorts and tugging them down lower on his waist. "I'm not here to talk to Erin." He raised his blazing brown eyes up to me and that's when I realized it was me he was there to see. I was positive he'd come here to hash things out, but I wasn't prepared for that. We both knew that night was a mistake; going into it I knew, but I didn't think I could actually handle hearing Will say it out loud. I didn't think there'd be anything left of my pride if I had to suffer through that humiliation.

Will let out an exasperated sigh and rested his hands on either side of the door, lowering his head but keeping his gaze trained in on me. "Are you gonna open the door and let me in Lexi, or are we going to do this like this?" he asked, nodding at the screen that separated us.

I didn't want to open the door. I knew that as soon as I opened it he'd start apologizing and I didn't want his apology. I didn't need to hear how he regretted the things that happened, or how he was wasted and didn't remember much of anything. In fact, I didn't want to talk about it at all.

"Come on Lexi," Will caught my eyes and nodded his head at the door. "Open up. You're being ridiculous."

I knew he was right. I knew I should open the door and face him like a grown up, but for some reason I still felt like that stupid little girl with a crush whenever I was around him.

"No." If I could've stomped my foot I would've. I knew I was being difficult. Will didn't need me to open a screen door for him to say what he needed to say. But it was the last shred of power I felt like I had, and I was holding on to it.

His eyes grew in surprise. "No?"

I shook my head, calling on every ounce of stubbornness in me and reinforcing my resolve. "Two days ago you said you wanted to forget about it. Its forgotten Will. We don't need to talk about it. You don't need to apologize--"