The Madonna, The Virgin, and The Whore

Chapter Six

LEXI

She just turned and walked out. And I knew Erin; I knew she'd just leave me. There'd be no reasoning from her like there would've been with Mary, no cajoling like there would've been with dad. Erin always just left.

I sighed, dropping my shoulders and sitting back down on the bed in defeat. My boots were by my feet and I slowly began to pull them on, watching Erin's back as she marched out the door. Will stayed though. He didn't say anything to me, but he stayed while I zipped my boots up and tugged on my jacket. I didn't acknowledge his presence when I walked past him. Instead I just held my chin up and followed Erin into the hall.

You could feel the night just beginning as we walked the crowded streets. Groups of girls teetered past us in their too-high heels, shouts and hollers echoed through the streets, and a heavy bass line could be felt thumping somewhere in the distance. Everyone was heading out to party, except for the three of us.

I felt like a kid in a candy store without a dime to my name. My first night spent on an actual college campus and I was stuck going to the library with the two people I wanted to be around the least. It was kind of depressing.

I wanted to go to a party. I wanted to get fucked up, maybe flirt with a boy, forget about dad and everything else for a bit. I wanted to have a good time, but Erin? Erin wanted to study. I rolled my eyes at her back as she walked shoulder to shoulder with Will, the two of them deep in conversation.

I still remembered the first time I ever saw Will. I was eight years old and playing hopscotch in the front yard and watched as his mom's minivan pull up the driveway of the blue house across the street. I couldn't wait to tell my sisters that someone around our age had finally moved in. Up until that point we mostly had old people living on our street. I shielded my eyes from the sun and watched as he leaned against the car. His sneakers kicked at a loose pebble on the cement and he glared out towards the ocean. He seemed upset and I remember wanting to know why.

Never one to be shy, I looked both ways like Mary had taught me, and crossed the street. Without missing a beat, I marched right up to him and introduced myself. More than a few inches taller than me, he tipped his head down and then stared me up with warm brown eyes. The corner of his mouth twitched, like he was going to smile, but he got distracted when Erin came jogging around the corner, shouting my name. She stopped short when she reached the two of us, furrowing her brows as she eyed up the boy I was with, and he ducked his head and broke out into a shy smile. I remember feeling jealous that Erin was the one who got him to smile first.

After that day the two of them were attached at the hip. Mary was always with her boyfriend Matt, and I was left all alone. I glared at Will's back, happy that he couldn't see me. I knew there was a possibility that I'd run into him at dad's funeral, but I didn't expect to see him tonight. I thought he'd know and stay away. But Will hadn't left Erin's side in over ten years. They'd been like best friends, or whatever, forever.

He held the door to the library open and Erin walked in first, leading the way. I followed behind her but let my hair fall in my face and block my view of Will.  Erin took us through the stacks, back to an open space with tables, between the rows of shelves. It was mostly deserted. Everyone else probably had better things to do.

She plopped her bag down on a table in the center of the room and I could immediately tell that my sister probably spent a lot of time here. I rolled my eyes as she started to take out her books and still stood there as Will pulled out the chair next to hers.

This was going to be torture.

"What am I supposed to do while you're studying?" I didn't bother to hide the annoyance in my voice as I glared over at Erin with all the animosity I felt.