The Madonna, The Virgin, and The Whore

Chapter Seventeen

ERIN

I checked the clock again, feeling antsy. It was 3:45 and I'd been in the house all day nursing the monster hangover I had. I didn't know why I thought 'unpredictable' equaled drinking myself into a stupor and blacking out, but obviously I got it all wrong. I was itching to get out and stretch my legs but, of course, a run was out of the question.

I didn't have any doubt that if I went running on the beach I'd end up seeing Jasper and I was doing all I could to prevent that from happening. Ever since our argument I switched my schedule and had taken to running early in the mornings, trying to prove a point. But the truth was I wasn't really being unpredictable. I was just embarrassed about our fight, the way I acted, and worst of all, the fact that he'd been right.

I was even more disturbed by the fact that there was still a huge part of me that wanted to see him again. I tried not to think about his shaggy hair, or how it fell to his chin and covered his face when he sang. I tried not to think about him at all, but it was almost impossible, and being stuck in the house all day wasn't helping.

I started to get jittery as I sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in my hands. The aspirin I took earlier was doing nothing for my head and it continued to pound as if my brain was threatening to implode.

Lexi noticed my mood the second she walked into the kitchen. "You okay?" she asked, opening a cabinet and pulling out a mug. I nodded, having no wish to explain myself. I had no clue why I was sitting here obsessing over some hippy, beach bum-- even if he did have the most gorgeous eyes I'd ever seen.

"Why'd you run off last night?" I asked, shifting the conversation over to her.

She turned her back to me and shrugged her shoulders as she began to fill her coffee cup. "I met up with some people. They were headed to another party so I went with them."

I frowned; I couldn't help myself. Lexi just took off last night and with the state I was in, it all kind of seemed unfair to Mary. "Mary was worried," I told her. "She was looking for you until she finally got your text--"

"I'm sorry, okay? And I already talked to Mary."

She was biting down on her lip like she was trying desperately to hold something back, looking tense and agitated. Lexi was usually much more carefree. Plus, apologies were a rare thing from her so I immediately grew suspicious. Standing up from my chair, I walked over to my little sister and rested my hand on her shoulder. Lexi had never been much for affection so I wasn't surprised when she flinched.

"Is something else wrong?"

"I'm fine Erin." She shrugged me off and turned around, leaning against the countertop. "I just met up with some old friends. There was a guy there I dug in high school. We hooked up. It was no big deal."

Nothing about Lexi's confession sounded unlike her, the way she took care of herself and her needs first, the fact that there was a guy involved and she just casually hooked up with him. There was no reason for me to think something wasn't right, but for some reason I did. I didn't know if it was my intuition, my gut, or her wounded eyes, but I knew Lexi was holding something back, just as much as I knew she wasn't going to tell me what it was.

I patted her arm and then stepped away; giving her the space she seemed to want. I walked back over to the table, picked up my coffee cup and put it in the sink. "I'm going for a walk," I told her.

"What no run today?" she asked, curling her hands around her steaming mug. I shook my head. "Oh my God. Hell's frozen over." I watched her smile into her coffee as she took her first sip.

Ignoring her quip, I slipped out the back door, walked down the stairs, and headed through the backyard. I turned towards the path to the beach. I knew I shouldn't, but for some reason my legs didn't seem to get the message. I switched my brain off and just let my body lead me without questioning it.