eighteen » l.h

39.

Just in case no one has told you this today, you are beautiful and you are so, totally worth it.

This chapter is inspired by a beautiful and talented person I know; @Pocahontasmind

Twenty four months had passed since that one night.

Month one was the 'numb' month. I should have been crying, screaming, and yearning for help, but I didn't. I was uncapable of shedding tears or frowning, I was uncapble of doing anything.

No tears were shed after I settled in my grandma's house. No tears were shed a day after. Not even two days after that day, not a week after, not even a month, not even two months or four months, I did not shed a tear.

I held a cold expression everywhere I went. The guys would ask - actually they would plead for me to say something, anything as they said.

Boy, did I try my best to say something but I couldn't. I simply couldn't. No words, tears, or smiles came from me.

"I didn't use you, Estelle. And I mean it when I say I love you. You are the only person I care about. I gave up on the whole gang shit, just for you."

"Leaving won't make me forget about the things you've already done."

"Baby, please."

"No Luke, you fucked up. I'm not going to go back to you this quickly and don't expect me to go back any time soon."

"Is this what you really want? Do you really want to leave me?"

"Yes but I would prefer it if you were the one who left."

"You're a heartless person."

"Says the person who went around fucking with underage girls just because he was ordered to."

"I was young, okay? I didn't know what the fuck I was doing."

"Stop making up excuses and just accept the fact that you are a sick, fucking human being and don't deserve anything in your life. I don't fucking care if you think I'm being harsh, I actually don't give a fuck at all. Just leave me alone and stay the fuck out of my life."