For All That Is Fate

What is Happiness?

Maegan's POV

Hongbin and I were really excited to take Emma, Luke, and Min to the Mid-south fair today. It was technically Hongbin's first time going as well but it had been years since I had gone myself. Emma and Luke were only a little over two years old and our adopted child, Min, who we adopted from Hongbin's cousin who recently died, was seven. I figured it would be great for everyone, even if Emma and Luke were still too young to really enjoy anything. Hongbin seemed to agree after he pigged out on all the food and rode as many rides as he could with Min. I stayed with Emma and Luke as they played the games and won lots of candy and stuffed animals. When we ran out of things to do, we went and watched the rodeo. It was kind of boring to me but then again, I never seemed to care or gather what was so awe-inspiring about bucking bulls and racing horses. In the end, all that mattered was that everyone enjoyed themselves.

Afterwards, it was really late and we decided to pack everyone into the car and head back. "Would you like me to bring home since you drove up here?" Hongbin asked with a stifled yawn. Noting the yawn, I declined, "No. I don't want you to fall asleep at the wheel. Thank you though." With a smile and a quick kiss, we climbed into our seats and started the drive back home. It wasn't too long of a drive so I wasn't too worried about anything. It wasn't long after we started heading home that all three kids konked out and were fast asleep. Hongbin would periodically look back to check on them as I drove. We turned the radio on and played some music as we sat in silence. 

We were almost home and sitting at the red light when Hongbin turned the radio down and turned to me before saying, "Maegan, I love you so much. I want you to know that." I smiled and looked his way, considering the light was still red, and replied, "I love you too, Hongbin. I love you, the kids, everything." The light turned green then. I reacted to go and that was when someone hit us from the side hard enough to flip the vehicle. There was screaming.......darkness.......flashing lights........crying.......someone talking to me......... and then I woke up in the hospital. I had a broken arm and a few scrapes and bruises. Hongbin was there. From what I could see, he looked fine, except for the one brace along his left wrist. I reached out towards him and asked, "Wheres the kids?" Hongbin responded by walking out of the room and knocking his chair over.

When the nurse came in shortly afterwards, I asked the same question, "Excuse, Ma'am, what happened to my kids? Where are they? Are they okay?" The nurse gave me a sad look and patted my head but didn't answer. The lack of answers was really beginning to get to me and finally began to panic. Hongbin eventually came back and I could tell that he had been crying. I asked with evident panic in my voice, "Are the kids?" He grabbed my hand and said, "Em died instantly. The car struck her side. Min just died from severe internal bleeding and Luke won't make it much longer. The car seat trapped him in the car and when the other car caught fire, he got badly burnt." As he explained all of this to me, tears fell down his face and I felt the tears fall down my own. How could this be? I was being so careful? My next question was, "What happened?" Hongbin again grew distressed but stayed in the room. He finally said, "The police say that the other guy was driving drunk. He hit us going seventy miles per hour in a forty zone. He's didn't survive the wreck. You and I are the only ones." 

After that Hongbin left and only returned a few days at a time. A few friends came to visit and give me their wishes. Hongbin attended our kids' funerals alone and I cried that whole day. I wanted to be there. As the mother of the children and wife of the mourning father, it didn't feel right that I wasn't there, but they found some bleeding that had to be dealt with and that put my release date off. When they finally did release me, it was a few days after the funerals and Hongbin had been alone with his thoughts for some time. Instantly, I noticed a change in him. He was distant and never stayed in the same room as I did for too long. It was worrisome but I had my own issues. I went out to visit the fresh graves of my kids alone and I cried for the longest. Hongbin couldn't bare the slight of their graves and I didn't blame him. This sort of thing shouldn't ever happen to anyone and it felt like a walking nightmare.

A few months passed and Hongbin and I never really got over the death of our children. I came home one to fine home packing all of clothes up. I laid my bag down and asked, "What's going on?" He kept packing his belongings before he finally pulled out some papers and handed them to me. I looked over them and realized quickly that they were divorce papers. Naturally, as a slow reader, he was heading towards the door when I threw them down and ran after him. I grabbed his arm and was about to beg him not to go when he flung me off of him in a violent manner. This wasn't something Hongbin would normally do and I laid in the floor, staring up at him with tears in my eyes. It was this position that I realized that the person in front of me wasn't the person I married. The person in front of me was a broken shell of that happy, fun loving person. I reached out for him again and said his name.  In return he said in a very strained and emotional voice as he flinched away from me, "Get away, get away, get away, don't say my name. You took them from me. You were the one driving.... The scars in my head..... Those broken pieces..... Let me go..... This love is a trauma.... Go away....Because of you my heart is broken. My feelings have grown dull.....My scars can't be erased. I can't forgive you for taking away my kids.....my life.....my happiness.....Be careful, I'm like fire........ Don't come after me and don't look for me. Just sign the papers and I'll see you in court. I want you out of my life and maybe then I will begin to heal." With those cruel words, he walked out the door and out of