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28 - Halcyon

ok so the song on the side is just...idk man it puts tears in my eyes. please listen to it with this chapter. please. and rhea - your song will come in one of the later chapters okay everyone who reads this story needs to hear it. 

but pleaaaseeee listen to the song on the side, i plead to you all ;__;

anyway, this chapter is kewl i hope you guys like it

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28 - Halcyon

Maya Sumedh 

um

no

what?

no

this

no

I

what?

I literally had to focus on everything but Luke on the drive home.

I could still bloody hear it as if he’d just said it, I love you, I love you.

 And that was probably the fucking hardest thing I’ve ever done. Not because I was confused or didn’t know what to say. But because I knew exactly what to say and I couldn’t fucking say it and I was exploding in the best way but I couldn’t fucking do anything – I had to stuff my hands under my thighs in the car and look out of the window and not at him, not even when he was sat right next to me, absolutely still, and I didn’t want to think about what he might have been thinking, but I felt like a balloon on that teetering point when you pump it with so much air it might burst any second but it hasn’t yet – like a suppressed yawn, I just wanted to kiss him and tell him I felt the same way, and I was just so fucking happy it was overwhelming me, he said it, he’d said it, he loved me, or at least he said he did, and I didn’t even want to think about what that could possibly mean because then I would’ve exploded right there in the car in front of Sam and Layla and my parents who were all having an intense discussion on the merits of Dr. Seuss as we flew through Saket like the traffic couldn’t touch us, like nothing could touch me.

 And Luke – he was sitting next to with his hands tapping a beat on his knees, those hands with the little blonde curly hairs on them and the stubby nails and the veins sticking out on the back when he closed his fists and the insanely pale palms; he was still a little sweaty and I could smell his deodorant; he was slumped in the seat as if he was physically and emotionally drained, like when people sit down and they’re just at one with the seat they’re sitting on, their body just takes the shape of the seat or chair or whatever; his head was leaning back on the headrest and his legs were spread out as far as they could go; I was staring at every part of him except his f ace; including his legs and feet, which looked tired too, pale but tanned from the monstrous sun. And in my head I couldn’t make sense of my thoughts, really, they were all this big jumbled mess as we sat there, not saying anything but somehow I was more aware of him than I had ever been, of his even breathing and his scent, and the low rumble his voice made when he said something.

 I made up my mind the second the house came into sight. I had to.

 “Your dad and I have somewhere to be,” Ma said, turning around to me and Sam suddenly and my heart jumped into my mouth. “So you kids go in and have fun, we’ll be home by midnight okay?”

 Well, this is fucking perfect

 “Yes!” Sam crowed, clambering out of the car and pulling Layla out with him. “You guys are the best! See you in the morning!”