Gone

Chapter 80 [Blaze] Life threatening secret...

 Short chapter! I'll upload once I get 30 comments<3

       I wake up in the afternoon, at around five when I glance at my alarm clock. Pushing myself over is when all of a sudden I get confused as to where the fuck I even am. I look around my room only to notice that I'm on the floor on a blanket and my head on a pillow, and only inches away from me rests a rusty metal spoon and an empty syringe, and a small plastic baggy. And it hits me... I shot up, again. For the third time today. Fear races through my mind and I swear I feel my heart stop in the process, but all I can think of is Julie and how she's going to handle this if I tell her. Should I even tell her? What am I going to do? I crawl off the floor and sit on the edge of my bed, trying to calm down my heavy breathing while drying the sweat from my head with the back of my arm.

       Damn. . . This is getting bad. Serious. This is the moment I finally admit to myself and allow the truth to register in my brain... that I'm addicted to heroin. My best friend died from this drug and here I am, right in his shoes, shooting up like a junkie. What are my options right now? I can barely even think straight as the shivers overtake my body before a flash of heat takes over next.

       I stand up and feel lightheaded, and when I stare into my mirror is when real fear hits me. And it hits me hard. As fast as a bolt or lightning or a speeding freight train. Addict. Addict. Addict. I'm an addict, and there's nothing I can do to make this better at this point. I'm just going to get worse and it kills me to realize this, but my reflection in the mirror is so beyond fucked up. Bags are dark and heavy under my eyes. My lips are faded from color and chapped. My hair is tangled in knots and I'm as pale as I've ever seen myself before. And I finally gain the courage to hold of my arm and glance down at it, and I notice the track marks I have already gotten.

       And it sends me straight over the edge.

     I run to the bathroom immediately and make my way to the toilet, lifting the lid and throwing up into the bowl, sick to my stomach at the situation I happen to be in right now. My girlfriend... my beautiful and amazing girlfriend is going to be heart broken. She's going to be terrified when she finds out about me using. This just makes me even sicker as I throw up again, violently.

      After I'm finished I push myself off the ground and I turn the shower on hot and strip off my clothes, before opening the drawer under the skin and pulling out a cigarette. I light it up and step in the shower, standing in the corner as the smoke and steam fills the whole room, but no matter what I do I just can't calm myself down. I put it out with the water and toss it in the corner, not caring about the tabacco that falls out of the now wet paper. Letting the hot water wash over my tense muscles feelings great at first and starts to put my to sleep, but before I drowse off I switch the water on cold as the freezing water wakes me up completely. I push my back against the wall and slide down onto the shower floor, not moving at all, completely in a trans.

     Once I get the strength to wash my body and hair, I eventually get out and change into some black sweats with a black hoodie, because I'm freezing. After I'm lying on my bed and trying to calm myself down, is when I grab my phone and notice I have one missed call from my girl, and a voicemail. I put the phone to my ear and listen to what she left me.

      "Hey babe. I just wanted to say hi and see what was up for tonight. Just wanted to know if you're going to the club with everyone or if maybe you want to swing by and keep me company. I'm actually feeling a little better so I was thinking maybe I could stay at your place for the night. I miss you. I haven't seen you for five days now... It's almost been a week." Juliana suddenly goes quiet, not saying a word and all I can hear are her unevened breaths, which confuses the hell out of me. I wait and about ten strange seconds later, she answers. But she doesn't sound good. "Um, Blaze... We need to talk..." And the line goes dead, so I hang up and dial her number.