Gone

Chapter 18 [Mickey] Will you forgive me? *

I'm sitting on Xavier's bed and I don't know what to do with myself. Juliana ran out of the room as soon as I walked in, probably because he didn't follow me up the stairs. I don't care anymore, though. Blaze is my best friend no matter what, and he always will be. No girl can break our friendship. Me and him are tight. Always will be.

I can't believe everything that has happened tonight. Can't believe it at all. Now with being high, all of these things are running through my mind, and it's making me feel sick. Xavier's sitting on the couch, looking down at the carpet and staying perfectly still.

“So,” I finally speak up. “I heard you're the one who saved my ass.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, going quiet.

“Yeah?” I urged.

“Yup.”

“Alright,” I said, stressing out the word for as long as I could. “Well, thank you.”

He finally looked over at where I was sitting and he grinned, barely. “Why am I being thanked?”

“Because Blaze told me that--”

“Blaze saved you too. We both did,” he rushed out.

“You're the one who called him, worried about me jumping in a van with strange guys,” I told him, as he stared back down at the carpet again. “Do you regret it, X?”

He glares at me at this point. “Fuck you,” he hissed. “Of course I don't regret it. I care about you.”

“Why are you being such a jerk to me then?” I asked, him deeply exhaling.

“Because I'm heated at myself, aright?” he groaned, leaning forward and putting his hands on his head. “I'm done.”

“With what?” I asked, getting up and sitting down beside him. “What's wrong?”

“I said I was never going to shoot up again,” he told me, not talking for a while. “And then I find smack and lose control.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“I shot up. The high's gone away a little but I can't believe myself,” he told me, shaking his head as I lightly put my hand on his lap.

“How long ago?”

“I lost track of time I have no clue Mickey,” he snapped, but I didn't take it personally.

“Where did you get smack?” I softly ask him, as he put his shaking hand over mine. “Talk to me.”

“The pocket in the jacket you were wearing,” he said, as my heart began to pound quickly. “There was a syringe and it was just there. I can't help it.”

“It's my fault,” I tell him. “They put it on me. You didn't mean it--”

“Humor me. I'm screwed. I can't control the urge anymore, Mickey. That's that. I'm done trying to stay clean.”

“But Xavier--”

“I found where you were and we got to you in time, you're welcome. You deserved it. No matter how much you need it, just don't. Please just don't go near heroin.”

“I won't,” I stated, his bedroom door opening, Blaze walking in with Julie on his back.

“Good,” I heard him say.

“Yo yo yoooo,” Blaze loudly lets out, letting go of her and dropping her down on the bed.

“Thanks for the ride,” Juliana laughs, looking over to where I'm sitting.