Music Sheet (Harry Styles)

Chapter 50 ~ Hannah

Read A/N at the end, please!

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Chapter 50 ~ Hannah

Convincing Mila and Moni that I’ve changed wasn’t easy. I talked for hours, –or at least it felt like hours– and they were always looking at me ready to attack and ask me to fuck off. I cried a lot, I couldn’t help it and maybe that’s why her eyes softened and they gave me a chance to explain everything. I told them about my mistake, I explained them why I did that and how sorry I was. I begged for a second chance.

“You don’t have to ask us for a second chance,” Mila said, I remember clearly the look in her eyes, a mix between confusion and scepticism.

“But I want you to see with your eyes that I have changed, I want you to tell me that in fact I’m better and that this time I won’t hurt Harry the same way. If you can see that I’ve finally tear my walls down once and for all, then I can talk to Harry and see if he can forgive me, but first I need to pass this test and I need you,” I insisted and the two girls looked at each other pondering the situation, communicating without saying words before they uttered the verdict.

“Show us,” Mila smiled and so did I, finally seeing a little of spark.

I thought that was hard, but that’s because I didn’t have to call Harry after all this time. Mila and Moni had finally told me that I had changed, even Alex and Kay agreed. And that means that now I have to talk to Harry and explain everything, but even if the girls say I’m ready, I feel like something is eating me from inside. My heart beats heavily as I look at my mobile over and over again. I’ve been pacing across my room for about an hour already, and I’ve been about to call Harry more than twenty times. I always hang up before the first tone.

I’m not the same girl, I’ve finally left my fears behind and I know my wounds are finally healing. I feel better, I feel alive and closer to all the people I love… but I still don’t have Harry and I need him so much it hurts to think of him and knowing he’s not with me. I don’t need him to push me to do what I have to do anymore, but I need him to hold my hand and smile at me, telling me that I can do it, that I’m in the right way. I need him to feel whole again. He is the missing piece and I can’t let him walk away from me. I can’t let him leave me.

I can fix this.

If I could only make myself call him.

“I’ll do it this time, Hope. This time I won’t hang up,” I say out loud looking at my cat –my God, she is so big now– who is sleeping on my bed, not really listening to me. Man, being a cat is easy, they don’t have to make important calls.

I’m still not sure of what I’ll tell Harry, I just know I have to call him and try… see if he will listen to me. So with that in mind, I dial his number again and press the gadget against my ear, fighting against the impulse to throw my mobile away. I hear the first tone and my heart stop. What if he doesn’t pick up? Or maybe he deleted my number so he won’t recognise it and will answer and when he realise it’s me, he’ll hang up and it’s going to be even worse.

I wait for five tones and I think he won’t pick up, I’m about to end the call when I hear the click and two seconds later, his uncertain voice. “Hannah?” He asks. No hello, no awkward silence… just my name.

I feel how my heart stops beating again and how my muscles relax. My knees fail and I end up on the floor in my room, holding the mobile with all my almost non existing strengths, feeling like I could burst out crying. I haven’t heard his voice in so long and hearing him saying my name hits something inside of me that disarms me.