Music Sheet (Harry Styles)

Chapter 18 ~ Hannah

Chapter 18 ~ Hannah

I can’t believe I just told him that, I opened myself to him and he actually understood! He respects my decision and he doesn’t push me anymore. It’s like he finally knows how to deal with me and it feels so… nice. The way he looks at me, his green eyes kind and impressed, looking at me in a new light and I feel warm, I don’t feel judged at all. I know he has never seen things how I see them, but he tries to understand that my dreams are not like his. I never thought he would be able to understand, I just took a chance and it worked.

I shouldn’t be here, though. I should be working and away from Harry, but I can’t. Even when I know what is better, I still accept his invitation, I still tell him what I think and explain things to him instead of just shutting him out. But I can’t help myself because now that he respects my space and I know he listens to me, I feel comfortable next to him. I feel alive, I feel like myself again, like I was when Mum was still alive. I feel like I can have fun again, like I can live my life again without any fear. I guess I’ve missed feeling like that. When Harry tells me his silly jokes and anecdotes, I feel like a weight is pulled off my shoulders and I can breathe again. Yes, I still have present that my mum left me, but when he’s around, that fact doesn’t stop me anymore and it’s so nice to feel like that. I guess that’s why I can’t say no to Harry when he asks me out again. Even if it’s for a little while, he makes me feel better.

But at the same time, feeling like this worries me because, what if I get used to this? What if I grow dependent of Harry? What if he grows on me and then he leaves? He’s an international popstar, known around the whole world. Anything can happen to him and if I let myself grow fond of him, then it will hurt like hell when he has to leave because no one can stay forever. No one.

“Hannah, you okay?” Harry asks when I don’t laugh at what he has just said. Honestly, I stopped paying attention and I have no idea of what his words were.

“Oh yeah, sorry, I was just thinking. What did you say?” He looks at me concerned and it still impresses me that he actually cares. He’s staring at me in the way Savannah and Dad tend to look at me and I still don’t understand why he feels like that. “Harry, may I ask you something?” I inquire out loud, curiosity killing me.

“Anything,” he answers quickly with a kind smile, his dimples showing off.

“Why do you come back? I mean, I’ve been terrible to you, yet you still come back and are nice to me and you– you seem to really care about me about I don’t understand why,” I blurt out before I chicken out and ask him another thing, something I don’t really need to know.

He looks at me for a few seconds, thinking of his answer, I guess, or just examining me. “Because of your eyes,” is his answer but it only confuses me more. I stare at him, disbelief written in my features and he chuckles, knowing he’s only confusing me. “Because when I look in your eyes I see loneliness, I see pain and so much sadness and I want to know why. I know something happened to you, there are scars in your soul and I know it’s too soon to ask you to trust me and tell me what happened, but I hope one day I won’t have to ask you to tell me, that you will want to share that with me. I want to help you, Hannah because I feel like I can help you. Don’t ask me why I feel this, because I don’t know, I just feel it.”

I can’t believe that with just looking into my eyes he saw my very soul and how damaged it is. He got to my heart and he knows it’s broken somehow, and he found out about this with just looking me in the eyes.

Suddenly, I feel exposed and more vulnerable than before because it was so easy for him to see into my soul and I don’t know how to react to this. Is everyone else capable of finding what he did? Am I that transparent or is it just Harry? I don’t want people knowing how broken I am, I don’t want people pitying me for what I’ve become.