Excuse me, I'm sad and so I'm dumping (trauma dumping?) my feelings because I'm a writer🤩.
Luke's POV
Truth me told, I'm probably the reason my relationship with my mom was on the rocks. I kept the doors to my heart closed and locked, but that's because I didn't even hear her knocking.
Looking back it's still hard to tell, was she knocking or am I just consumed with regret? Knowing that now that's she's gone, I can no longer open my door to her, whether she was knocking or not?
Maybe I'm the one that's been the problem this whole time. I spent my time shutting doors, acting as if she wouldn't care either way, but maybe I was just entitled.
I have a lot of feelings, but none of them are the right ones. Sure, you can say everyone grieves differently, and I don't know how it works when I'm the dead one grieving the person who is still alive, but it doesn't feel like I'm grieving right.
I spent years being mad at her, villianizing her all because I felt misunderstood, but all the misunderstanding is all my fault. I'm the one who kept all my feelings hidden, not feeling comfortable to share them with her.
I envy those who are close to their mothers, because I fear that even if I were given a second chance I'd still mess it up and not be close with mine.
I'm homesick for the person I never opened up to. The person I should be villianizing is me, I'm to cold and distant one. Too full of pride to back down from my own opinions and passions.
I was the problem all along.
And yet here I am grieving an alive person like we were something great, when the reason we were never great was me.
YOU ARE READING
Jatp one shots 2
FanfictionI ran out of room on my other one shots, so here's a whole new book that I'll continue to update with more Julie and the Phantoms stories What I do a lot of *sunset curve friendship stuff *Luke Alex Reggie and Julie friendship *a lot of Reggie c...
