In My Opinion

The Colony by A_girl_who_writes_2

Full title: The Colony by A_girl_who_writes_2
Source: Blossom Awards 2024
Category: Science Fiction
Mature: N (explicit language)
Status: Ongoing
Round 1: 37/40
Round 2: Judging now

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book.

*****

Round 1 total: 37/40

Title: 10/10
A very simple title, with just the right amount of mystery to catch my interest.

Blurb/synopsis: 8/10
Normally, I prefer shorter blurbs, as I feel like longer blurbs often give too much away, but this hits just the right balance of giving just enough information to hook the reader's interest while still maintaining the mystery to draw them in. I think the first bit between the ~ doesn't quite match the tone of the rest of the blurb, though. There's almost an element of humor in it, and there isn't any humor in the following paragraphs. I also think you could condense the following paragraphs into fewer paragraphs, and there's something about the wording of the second paragraph that I don't quite like. Maybe it's the semi-colon? Something to look at, anyway. But this does hook the reader, which is exactly what you want.

Cover: 10/10
I love this. The colors, the shading, the opposing faces, the white cross in the center with the title, the font size and placement of your name, which makes it obvious and easy to read but without detracting from the rest of the cover - perfect.

First chapter: 9/10
This is interesting, but I think rearranging it a bit would improve the flow. The first three paragraphs come across as light and happy-go-lucky (I mean, other than she's angry at someone), and then the flow gets interrupted by the description of the Colony, and then it's back to Beth entering the library with that lighter tone. Finding a way to merge the info about the Colony into the scene would help. Maybe the three paragraphs about the three floors could come up later in the story within context. I've run into this before with my writing, and it's definitely a tricky thing to merge the descriptions into the scenes, but it makes a smoother read than a sudden information dump.

Anyway, that's something to look at, but then we get back into the scene, and the light tone changes in an instant to something dark and angry, which you do well. The sentence about killing her mother is kind of buried within its paragraph, though. Setting that sentence apart as its own paragraph would increase the shock level and really catch the reader's attention. Also, there's no way the library full of people is missing this argument. I think putting something in about that would help make everything more real and believable and also give a reason for Tom shushing her (beyond the obviously illegal talk of a resistance). Her meeting somebody's eye, or heads popping up and looking her way, something like that.

On another note, a disclaimer in the blurb or at the beginning of the chapter about strong language would be nice, as there are people (like me) who appreciate the warning. But, overall, this is well-written and intriguing, with only a few errors (the wrong its/it's in one place, that sort of thing), and that last sentence is spot on. Great job.

*****

Round 2: Judging now