Interested in some constructive criticism? Want to know what awards I've judged? This is the place where I'm keeping track of informal feedback requests, detailed scoring for awards, full book reviews, and anything else of that nature. If you're int...
Full title:A Kingdom of Tales (Kingdom of Avenlea #1) by sleepytinker5757 Source: Blossom Awards 2024 Category: Fantasy Mature: N (explicit language) Status: Complete Round 1: 37/40 Round 2: Judged by NoelleAnn397
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*****
Round 1 total: 37/40
Title: 10/10 Kingdoms? Check. Fantasy? Check. You got me. ;)
Blurb/synopsis: 9/10 I love this blurb. The only section that I would work on is the third paragraph. The first and second sentences are a little confusing. I think they could be clearer, maybe this way: "Jasmine has always regarded the tales of Avenlea that have haunted her from her childhood to be mere myths. However, when Miles claims to be Avenlean, a layer of intrigue enters her life, blurring the lines between fantasy and reality." But you have your own style, so do with this what you will.
Cover: 9/10 The only reason this isn't a ten is because the series name isn't on the cover. I feel like it should be there, but this is my personal preference, and I don't really know how you'd fit it on this beautiful cover without messing it up. And this cover is beautiful. The images, the colors, the font, the text - all perfect.
First chapter (and everything that came before it): 9/10 I love your dedication. Any encouragement for aspiring writers is welcome in my book, and you write it so beautifully.
I absolutely love chapter 1. It's so well-written. Your descriptions, the way you bring the reader into Jasmine's head and heart, the snippets of dialogue - and your command of writing in both the present and the past tense is fantastic. I've always written in the past tense, and I plan to try a story in the present tense as a writing exercise, but I'm not looking forward to it. ;)
The only reason this isn't a 10 is because there are a couple of verbs in the present tense section that are in past tense but feel like they should be in present tense, like the fifth paragraph ("realized" and "dropped"). And there is some repetition of phrases in the past tense section that you could look into and reword ("Little did I know," for example). Also, and I didn't deduct points for this, but a content warning in the blurb about mild explicit language (or strong, if it gets stronger later on) would be nice. But, otherwise, this is amazing, and I want to keep reading.
