Interested in some constructive criticism? Want to know what awards I've judged? This is the place where I'm keeping track of informal feedback requests, detailed scoring for awards, full book reviews, and anything else of that nature. If you're int...
Full title:Why she kills by lilac_minded Source: Blossom Awards 2024 Category: Thriller Mature: Y (gore, graphic violence) Status: Complete Round 1: 36/40 Round 2: Judged by NoelleAnn397
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*****
Round 1 total: 36/40
Title: 9/10 As a general rule, capitalize every word of a book title, except for "a," "an," "the," and prepositions, unless they start the story. But this is otherwise a good title that tells me right away I'm probably dealing with a thriller.
Blurb/synopsis: 9/10 I love short blurbs. I don't like spoilers, and I don't want to read what amounts to a prologue because of length. This is the perfect length for me. It introduces the main character and who I'm guessing will be the most important two side characters, it hints at what we'll find in the story, and it draws the reader in. My only problem is the third sentence. The phrasing of the first part of the sentence is a little awkward. I think you could eliminate unnecessary words to improve the flow, maybe something like, "Yet she and two young university students..." and then continue with the rest of the sentence as you've written it.
Cover: 9/10 The only reason this isn't a 10 is the text size. I can't read the subtitle without squinting, and it's the same for your name. Also, I don't think you really need the "By" before your name. But, otherwise, colors, images, font choice, is all perfect, and this is an amazing cover.
First chapter (and everything that came before it): 9/10 Ah! I can read the text! See, this is an annoying thing with graphics on Wattpad. Within the app, you can tap an image to open a larger image, but you can't do that on the site. I've made what I thought was a beautiful cover, and then when I saw it on the site at a smaller scale, I had to go back and change things.
But, anyway, on to the prologue. In the first paragraph, I think "they" would work better than "it," since you're referring to "every syllable," which is technically singular, but we know is accounting for multiple syllables. And later, when she's voicing people's thoughts, make sure you capitalize the first word of each new thought, just like you would with dialogue. The paragraph on surrendering to intrusive thoughts was a bit confusing for me to read at first, but I think if you just stick a comma between "thoughts" and "that," and a dash between "to" and "like," that fixes any confusion. The last sentence has awkward phrasing, similar to in the blurb, and the fix is similar, too. Something like: "But the territory she claimed as hers was..." and then on with the rest of the sentence. But this is interesting, the way you've introduced her as an authority on the human mind with some secret we're curious to know, and overall, great job.
Okay, the first chapter is already creeping me out, which is what you're going for, so, good job there. I think in the paragraph where the girl is explaining her problem, "good to me" makes more sense than "good to be." There's a missing "e" in the "sit by th norms." I don't really understand Nur's advice to the girl. What is she telling her to do? What is she supposed to try? It's not really clear, at least not to me. It almost sounds like she's telling the girl to go along with the norm (the least interesting option), but the tone sounds like she wants to say the opposite. But, overall, your writing is amazing, and I'm really creeped out, although I wonder why these people didn't run away. I think that's kind of normal with horror/thriller stuff, though - watching the characters and telling them what to do, but knowing they won't do it, and something will happen because of that. Oh, one last thing. A content warning in the blurb would be nice.
