In My Opinion

Cosmogyral Expedition by CassyKnight_21

Full title: Cosmogyral Expedition (Volume 1) by CassyKnight_21
Source: Blossom Awards 2024
Category: Science Fiction
Mature: N (swearing)
Status: Ongoing
Round 1: 31/40
Round 2: 81/100

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*****

Round 1 total: 31/40

Title: 10/10
I had to look up "cosmogyral," and I'm the kind of reader who loves coming across unfamiliar words that I have to look up. This title piques my interest, which is exactly what you want a title to do.

Blurb/synopsis: 7/10
I prefer shorter blurbs. You've already caught the reader's interest with your title and your cover. The blurb is the bait on the hook so you can reel them in. Giving too much away reduces the mystery that draws readers in. I like the first paragraph, but I think you could combine and trim the second and third paragraphs to become one or two sentences at the end of the first paragraph. Your writing has a different tone in the first paragraph, too, and you want unity throughout. It's more formal and correct at first, and then it turns into casual, looser language. The last paragraph is good, but I think you could trim it, too, or possibly eliminate it completely, according to your preference.

Cover: 7/10
I love the color gradients, the capital blocky letters, and the planetary imagery with only black silhouettes of people. The things I don't like are the cursive text and the black section at the bottom. Cursive text doesn't really fit with the rest of the cover, and the line, "Time will tell the tales of these heroes," is unnecessary. The black section at the bottom doesn't really fit with the rest of the cover, either. It makes me think of a screenshot that hasn't been trimmed down, if that makes sense. I think cutting the cursive subtitle out, replacing it with your name in capital blocky letters, and cutting the black section at the bottom would make this perfect.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 7/10
For the images at the top of each chapter, I have the same recommendations as the cover. Capital blocky letters I think work better with the theme and background than cursive.

The author's note has a casual tone, which fits with something so personal, but it could use a little proofreading. There are some missing words, some misspellings, just little things.

I like Calix's hair. What a fantastic picture to start your characters chapter. And Klinion is ADORABLE and I want one. Again, just a little proofreading needed here (for example, "quirk" should probably be "quirky" in Calix's description), but otherwise, this is really good. I love the pictures. Did you make them yourself, did you hire someone, did you use AI? Maybe put a footnote at the end of this chapter to let the reader know.

I really like your prologue. If I see italics or bold sections, I usually hang my head in despair, because most people don't do these well, but you hit the nail on the head. With the italics, anyway. I don't think the bold is entirely necessary for Ryan's section. You could just have it in normal text. But I love how you introduce each character and make them come alive in their unique settings, and the italicized narration separating each character is spot on. You don't have any problems with tone here, either. It's all casual, and, as with italics/bold, I usually see people struggle to do this well, but it feels so natural the way you've done it. As elsewhere, I do think a little proofreading is in order to just clean up a bit. You may also want to consider putting a disclaimer in the blurb or author's note that there is light swearing in the story (unless it gets more intense, in which case you would alter the disclaimer accordingly), as there are people (like me) who like the heads-up.

The first chapter is great. Breaks between sections usually annoy me, but, again, you've done this perfectly. And Klinion is already my favorite character, primarily because of the picture (so cute!), but Calix has definitely got my attention. Same issues I've noted elsewhere, just proofreading and checking punctuation, verb tenses, that sort of thing, but, overall, this is a great start, and you have definitely hooked me. :)

*****

Round 2: 81/100

Cover & title: 8/10
See round 1 feedback.

Blurb: 4/5
See round 1 feedback.

Grammar & voice: 4/20
5+ mistakes per chapter, enough to make it a bumpy read, not enough to detract from the story.

Plot & pacing: 10/10
This is quite an accomplishment. I've never seen a long prologue that holds onto the reader, but you need yours to be long to introduce seven main characters. Then your chapters are longer than what I'm used to for beginning chapters, but, again, the length makes sense because of the number of characters, and the pacing doesn't suffer at all. Usually, I see long prologues and long first chapters dragging too much and losing the reader, but you hold the pace throughout, slowing when it needs to, cranking up when it needs to.

Characterization: 20/20
Juggling 2 or 3 characters at once can be a challenge sometimes, and that only gets trickier the more characters you add in, but you maintain your seven characters' unique personalities throughout. The way you depict a group of people who don't know each other beginning to bond and relate is fantastic. Every reader can pick their favorite character right away, and I defy anybody to say they don't immediately love Klinion. *heart*

Harmony within genre: 15/15
Aliens, time travel, futuristic devices, space travel - yep. That's Sci Fi. And, although all those elements are commonplace in this genre, you make them your own.

Originality: 20/20
Yes. You hook the reader immediately and don't let them go at all. You're developing an unnatural world invading the reality we know in a logical, relatable way, and although you have room to improve in your writing technique (specifically SPAG), you have the storytelling down pat, and the drive is fantastic.