In My Opinion

Fates Converged: A Witch's Vow by EnigmaEpic

Full title: Fates Converged: A Witch's Vow by EnigmaEpic
Source: Blossom Awards 2024
Category: Fantasy
Mature: N (death, violence, blood, explicit language)
Status: Ongoing
Round 1: 34/40, did not progress to round 2

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book.

*****

Round 1 total: 34/40

Title: 10/10
Tells me to expect witches, draws in the reader - good title.

Blurb/synopsis: 8/10
This feels way too long for a blurb. The single lines feel good - at first - but there are too many of them. It loses punch when the single sentence set apart isn't really set apart anymore - all the sentences are like that. I would cut the second and third sections entirely, and as for the first section, if you want to keep that punchy one-line feel, you need to cut it down to three lines, max. Maybe you could merge some sentences to get that? Because I know you've been careful to select things you think the reader should know up front in the blurb, and I don't want to say you're wrong - you're not. You're the author. But I'm just trying to figure out how to help you get that feel you want. Maybe a line or two of that single-sentence-paragraph for punch, and then a short paragraph, and then another single-sentence-paragraph punch? I don't know. Just play around with it and see what you like. But definitely start with something punchy and end with something shocking.

Cover: 7/10
I like this cover, but it feels like it's been compressed, like everything is squished skinnier than it should be. Also, I can't read the line at the top of the cover, and I don't think it's necessary, either. As for your name, I think you can drop the "By," and if you shift your name further into the bottom right corner, it would look better. Otherwise, the colors and image are great.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 9/10
Oh, this is your first book? Yay! If this is where you're starting, I can't wait to see where you end up. And English isn't your first language? You write a lot better than a lot of native English speakers. I like the content warning, but I think adding it to the bottom of the blurb would be nice, so readers know right away. And good luck with college! I'm not big into aesthetic boards, but I think yours is nice.

I skipped the awards section, because I don't want my opinion to be swayed by others. But kudos!

For the prologue, there are a few little phrasing/wording issues that probably come from English not being your first language, nothing really major. For example, in the first paragraph, it flows better to say, "...the father pretends to not be able to catch her." The biggest issue is with punctuation within and around dialogue, which can be tricky, and I know the rules vary depending on your English usage. I don't think there's a usage where you put a period within and outside of the quotation marks. I think it's one or the other (within for US, outside for UK). Finding an editing tool that supports your English usage would help you work out the kinks. But, as I mentioned above, you write a lot better than a lot of native-speaking English authors, and this is great. I see the joy of a father playing with his daughter, the sadness and heartbreak the parents try to hide from their daughter, the desperation of a mother who will do anything to save her family. Great job.

I'm used to reading longer chapters, but there's nothing wrong with shorter ones like yours. It's like eating bite-sized cupcakes. Again, your writing is wonderful, with the same little wording or punctuation things I've noted before, but I never knew vampires, witches, and werewolves could be so fun to hang out with. At the same time, we get a glimpse into Sera's mind and the darkness lingering there, which makes the reader more interested in learning what her secrets may be. Great job!