I Think I Love My Best Friend

17

Depression is hard, but it's harder when the ones you love don't know your struggling. But if they knew you were struggling, they would try to help you and you would feel guilty and get more depressed. That's how I feel right now; depressed and scared to ask for help. Why am I depressed? I don't know. I know they care, but they don't know I'm struggling. Maybe I'm just being dramatic? Or maybe life is too hard right now. There's no reason it would be hard, though. I have everything I could need; a family that loves me, a big band, fame, an amazing boyfriend, money, what more could I need?

I sat in my room, crying on my bed and Joey came in the room.
"Hey ba-" he began before looking at me. His face dropped and he ran to my side, hugging me tightly. "What's the matter, sweetness?" He asked in a panic. I was numb and quiet as I let the tears fall down my face. "Talk to me, honey," Joey insisted. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. I couldn't bare to see Joey like this. Eyes watering, frowning at me, face full of sorrow. He gripped me tighter and stroked my head, whispering to me, "it's gonna be okay, I promise." I heard his voice full of pain and heartache. "Deep breathes," he added, continuing to stroke my head. I felt the top of my head getting wet with Joey's tears. All of a sudden, Joey let go of me and cupped my cheeks with his hands, smiling at me the best he could without showing the sadness he was feeling. "Look at me, y/n," he began. "It's gonna be okay." Joey added before pressing his forehead to mine. His blue eyes were sparkling at me.
"I love you," I whispered.
"I love you too" Joey whispered back before pressing a soft kiss on my lips.

~~~~~

I had to act like I was okay when I really wasn't. I'm used to it at this point, but it's been getting better. Being around my family helps. By family I mean the band. They are my family.
I lazily got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and saw nothing, just like last time. I wanted to see someone who was happy, but I didn't. It's not always what you want to see, but what is actually there. Since I didn't want a repeat of last time, I got out of the bathroom and went to Corey's room. I knocked three times before going in.
"Hey, doll face!" Corey said happily. I faintly smiled at him before sitting onto his bed. He sat up and looked at me confused. "What's up?" He asked. I sighed and lay down, putting my head onto his chest.
"Life sucks," I groaned. He nodded and began to play with my hair.
"Tell me about it" he insisted.
I sighed. "Well, I don't even know why I'm so depressed today. I literally don't have a reason to be! I was crying and Joey came in my room and that's what made it worse." I rambled, gaining nods from Corey.
"It sounds like you just have depression, hun," Corey explained. I looked up at him and rolled my eyes before chuckling.
"Nice talk" I laughed before getting up and leaving.
"Cya," Corey mumbled before I shut the door.