tidal wave | rafe cameron

sixteen

48 hours had passed and i still hate myself.

not just myself; i also hate rafe cameron. i should also hate ward cameron for even bringing him into this world, but he brought me sarah so i guess i forgive him for that.

i had spent the last two days doing nothing but laying around my own house. laying in bed, laying by the pool, laying on the couch. i just really couldn't seem to get up.

but now it's getting to a point where me ignoring my friends is starting to get concerning and i've realized that there will be no moving past this until i do what kie said i had to. i have to have some conversations.

i know jj better than almost anyone, so i know a makeout means nothing to him. but after avoiding him for three full days now, i won't be able to face him until we mutually agree to pretend that never happened.

so reluctantly, my finger presses send on a message reading, "can we talk?"

i know kie would be proud of me. but deep down, jj is the part of this i'm worried about the least. whatever i have, or had, with rafe does mean something to me. it has to, or else i wouldn't be thinking about it this much. even in my drunken state, i can remember the sounds of that girl better than what i had to drink that night.

every time i replay that moment, i'm sick to my stomach. safe to say i've been very nauseous the past few days.

later, jj comes over and we decide to sit by the pool and have our long awaited chat.

"is this about the other night?" he asks as i sit down, dipping my bare feet into the chlorinated water.

i laugh uncomfortably and rub my forehead, that stupid habit i picked up from rafe.

"how'd you know?" i ask.

"i figured since you've been m.i.a for the past three days and refused to come hang out with us."

"sorry about that," i rub the back of my neck.

both of our eyes are glued to the water. i've never felt so awkward around jj. frankly, i had thought it was impossible for anyone to feel awkward around him.

"look, me flirting with you doesn't ever have to mean anything unless you want it to," he shrugs, "i'm always joking unless you're down."

i laugh, "i mean, i'm sure rafe is still losing his mind thinking about what happened so, mission accomplished?"

"i'd say so."

there's a moment of silence before jj says, "this doesn't change anything, cal. i'm still here for you the way i was before, we can pretend that never happened."

"thank god," i say, letting out a breath i didn't know i was holding.

"but if rafe ever makes you mad again, i'm always down to get revenge," he smirks.

i shove his arm playfully and laugh, "so we're still friends?"

"always. how could i ever abandon my callie bear," he teases.

"you are so fucking weird," i say, immediately getting up from my seat next to him.

so now in terms of fixing my life, stage one is complete. stage two is something i would rather put off.

god, i hate rafe cameron.