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VANYA'S BLOG

ANDROGEN INSENSTIVITY SYNDROME

First of all let me introduce myself- I am someone with complete androgen insensitivity.

Now you must be wondering that what it means? And believe me I am here to share the story which will make you wonder between the thin line of right and wrong.

Imagine one day you wake up and get to know that your parents had taken appointment of gynecologist for you because you're 16 and still haven't got your periods. You think it will be a normal routine checkup and doctor will give you few medicines and you'll be fine. But here comes the twist, doctor do some tests on you and there's something different in your reports.

You've been diagnosed with complete androgen insensitivity.

And just one report turns your whole life upside down.

You're told that you were born as a male but due to insufficient secretion of male hormone, you have a physical appearance of female.

You go back to home, lock yourself in your room. You cry, you have panic attacks, you feel numb, you wonder if 16 years of your life was just a lie? Minutes turn into hours and hours into days, you went in depression and thought of ending your life.

That's how we feel when we get to know that our genetic makeup is messed up. But that doesn't mean we are messed up.

You know, I was going through web when I came across a page where I read about a girl with AIS who committed suicide and her last words were something like this- "Fuck you all for making me believe that I am not worthy enough to live a normal human life."

When I came to know about this syndrome, I too was devastated, I too wished to end my life because the thing that bothered me most was not that I am genetically a male but phenotypic female but what will everyone think of me. they are never going to accept my identity.

At first I wanted to accept my own identity then I wanted society to accept me for who I am. But the latter never happened.

If some person watches me crossing lane, he thinks that how pretty I am but if he gets to know about me, I become ugly for him.

People say that my gender is not confirmed. They laugh at me but why every time they forget that who are they to talk about my gender? If I feel like a woman then I am the woman, no one can say otherwise because it's my body and it's my feelings. If I feel like woman, I am the woman.

Remember whenever you call disgusting to people like us, you are also calling the same to every other person on this planet because we are also humans and so are you.

Moreover I don't understand why it is so hard for you all to accept my identity? My ID reads female then why I am not treated as one?

I don't want any special treatment, I don't want judging eyes, all I want from you all is to accept me for who I am and I am a female. Accept me for that.

Yes I agree that I don't have uterus, I don't have ovaries but is it really important to give birth? Without being a mother, one can't be a woman? I am not just a fertility machine, no women are but then why when I say that I am a female, they question about my ovaries and uterus?

I don't have anything else to say but remember that humanity resides in each human be it a person with AIS or LGBTQ. So treat us like a normal being.

Thank you for reading.

I tapped on the post button and shut down my laptop. Finally it feels good to write my heart out.