The Impeccable Scar | COMPLETED ✓

F O U R T Y - F I V E

ADVIK

I stared at the pages of the notebook as they turned on their own due to ceiling fan. I pressed my finger over the pages and traced the handwriting. Now it felt familiar to me. Indeed the handwriting was beautiful just like the person who wrote it.

Vanya.

It was her notebook. After all she has the tattoo mentioned in this notebook.

She's been through much. She survived everything on her own.

Fuck. What I've done? I-I...hurt her.

It was never her fault that she has Androgen insensitivity. All of her childhood she wished for fairytales; to be a princess and find her prince but fate has something else for her.

Maybe she never lied to me. Maybe she accepts herself as a complete female. It was me who made her feel like she wasn't.

Damn it. How can I be so selfish to treat her like shit? She accepted my reality without any hesitation and when it came to me, I felt disgusted of her?

I closed her notebook and kept it aside. After splashing cold water over my face, I looked straight into the mirror.

I should apologize to her. Androgen insensitivity or not, ever girl deserves to be respected.

And now I genuinely respect her. She has survived all her scars and still smiles like nothing happened. She is beautiful!

Without a second thought, I asked for Nikhil's bike keys which he gave in no time and I quickly rushed to her café.

The familiar sight of her café made my stomach flutter and all the memories we've shared started flashing in the back of my mind.

I went inside and found Vanya sitting on one of the couches facing the window. She might be admiring the twinkling of stars or hiding her tears.

She,

Was a child of wildfire,

Dancing through the moonlight,

Her heart was of glass.

She,

Was praised by sunshine, Whispering of the angels,

Her soul was of fire.

She was a rainbow full of colors,

Running the wind and stars,

Her love was eternal.

She,

Was beautiful,

Flying from the wings of heaven,

Her life was a blessing.

I recited poetry for her to which she turned her head in my direction. Her face was pretty just like always but her eyes were sad. She didn't say anything. Maybe she was trying to remember the words that I just said.

"How was it?" I asked.

She pressed her lips into thin line. "You wrote this?" I nodded.

"It was beautiful." She tried to fake a smile but failed.

"It was for you." I came forward to sit across her on the couch.

She raised her eyebrows but didn't say anything.

"I am sorry."

She nodded.

"Won't you say anything?"

"Why are you here, Advik?" She asked and a tear escaped her eyes.

I looked around to avoid her sad face. Her café now burnt and disoriented. I remember the first time I came here. This was a heavenly place. I hope someday this place will become aesthetic once again. But do broken things mend easily?

"Vanya, let me tell you something."

"Sure."

"I promise I won't lie to you. I have feelings for you vanya. Fuck I am in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I can't. I am sorry but I can't imagine myself with you. And no, the problem isn't in you, Vanya but it is in me. Whole my life, I've learnt that only two genotypes are normal- XX and XY. And now all of sudden you're saying that you are female but your genetic makeup is of male? It disgusts me, Vanya. It disgusts me. Maybe if my upbringing was different and my parents or teachers made me realize that apart from two genotype, others are also normal then I would've happily accepted you."

She held her breath and stared my face for a good second before a sad smile appeared on the corner of her lips. "Thank you for telling me this."

I didn't expect this reaction from her. Why she is thanking me? I wish I could read her mind.

She hates me now, isn't she?

I confessed my love for her and that too while breaking her heart? I wish I was taught before that it is normal to different genetic makeup. And person like them can also be loved.

"I can understand." She smiled, politely.

You'll never understand how hard it is for me to not be with you but it's even harder to be with you.

"Can I hug you for one last time?" She asked.

I quickly embraced her in my arms and it felt like forever since I last did it. Her lavender smell flared into my nostril like before and for a minute I wished to love her forever and never let her go. But I know even if I be with her, there would be no forever for us.

My parents will hate me, society will laugh at me and my family. I would never be able to have child of my own. And most of all I would never be able to think Vanya as a girl; she will always be someone who is not normal.

I am in love with her but I can't love her.

Soon she parted away and with a small smile, she asked me to go.

I looked at her beautiful Face for one last time before heading towards the door but before I could disappear from her sight, I turned to her and said- "Your different is beautiful vanya. It was me who didn't realize your worth."