{2} 𝐃𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐚 | 𝙻𝚞𝚔𝚎 𝙲𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚗

18.

⚔︎ 𝐋𝐮𝐤𝐞 {𝟑} ⚔︎

𝐈 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫, every living moment I think of her.

It's as if...I have lost any sense of who I am as my own person.

When I close my eyes, I see her.

When I see the dark night sky there she appears twinkling in all the stars and the moon.

She was the light to the darkness inside of me.

How can she make me this vulnerable and yet so strong all at once?

Her face when I left camp is stuck in my mind.

That. Her face.

The face she made when I left, her broken face. The one she gave me.

When I promised I would never leave, and I did. And I made her stay.

Being able to see her safe and yet suffer because of me broke me in so many ways than one.

But it didn't help that Kronos spoke about how he wouldn't stop, that I was now wrapped in this too deep and I must help him.

At first, I was thinking of the one thing I wanted most, revenge against these Gods for all of us who remain Unclaimed, for hurting our parents, the people we love most!

But now knowing that I must hurt the people I care about, my friends, in more ways than one...

It's making me go slightly insane and full of fear. I never did feel that till now.

He may be down in Tartarus, but he is an immortal God who has already found clever ways to start coming back.

The fleece. That Golden Fleece is what I need.

After tracking down the fleece and realizing what Grover was getting himself into, trying to become this Chosen Satyr to find Pan. It was the best time to enact my plan.

Guilt riddled me when I had too, he was once my friend and my protector. I had to betray him and...he may not understand why I had too, but I did.

My mind is fighting back and forth. Am I making the right decision?

I am. I am...right?

When I had the smallest bit of time to not be annoyed by Kronos's orders, I saw her.

Using Backbiter I was able to use it to my own use even if it was selfish.

I had to be. I had to be selfless for her.

And yet I need to be selfish to see her.

All throughout the year after leaving Camp I watched her. I saw her attend the last year of High School, I saw her and her mom all happy and celebrative when she had gotten those report cards. I watched when she had a hand on her stomach in bed due to...due to her time of the month.

And even seeing her in that pain made me fill with pain myself.

I wanted to hold her, hug her.

But I couldn't.

I got to see how much growing Hayley was doing. She wasn't that girl once before from camp all nervous and with attitude.