MY SECRET LOVER | HEESEUNG

19- Shame on Me

Y/N'S POV;

The sun was out but the weather didn't match my mood. What I was feeling was the complete opposite. Was I hurt? Yes. Did I have the right to? I don't know. We weren't dating or anything. But a part of me refuses to believe what we had was all fun and games. But the chances of that being the truth made my heart clench.

Seeing him and her all over each other shouldn't have been surprising so why was I taken aback? Why was I upset? Why was I upset to see his lips on her and not mine? Why was I upset that she touched places I once touched?

There was no doubt that I had fallen for him. I can't make any more excuses because what just happened proved my feelings towards him. And I hate that I fell for him, yet I didn't regret it at all. But was I a fool? Was I a fool to have fallen for a jerk like him?

I bit my lip, trying to suppress my cries. Tears streamed down my face as I let my feet drag themselves. My hand gripped the bag of food in anger. I'm angered because Heeseung was with Yewon. I'm angered because I allowed myself into his trap. Ultimately, I was mad at myself.

I wanted to go home so badly and hide in my room, but I couldn't. My eyes were puffy, my nose was red, and marks of tear stains were left on my cheeks. Jay would question me until midnight if he saw me in this state because I wouldn't be able to tell him.

Truthfully, as much as I wanted my big brother to comfort me in situations like these, I couldn't let him know about Heeseung and me. I didn't want them to fight and most importantly, I didn't want to ruin their friendship.

Shame on me.

Shame on me, I fell for someone who took care of me when I was injured. Shame on me, I fell for someone who always asked if I was okay with things. Shame on me, I fell for someone who made me smile and made me happy during the times we spent together. Shame on me, I let him enter my heart. Shame on me, I fell for you, Lee Heeseung.

Finally, I stood in front of my house after several laps around my neighborhood. It seems less obvious that I was crying, so hopefully Jay doesn't notice. Taking a deep breath, I punched in the passcode and turned the door knob. I stepped into the house and unfortunately, Jay was STILL on the couch.

To my luck, his eyes were focused on his phone. "You didn't even take an hour, that was fast." "Yeah, we just–" "Did you not go see Jina? Why is there still food in the bag?" He questioned me. Great, now all his attention is on me. And I've got to lie to him, again. "Yeah, uhm... Jina wasn't home," I lied, trying not to sound so gloomy.

"I'll just put this in the fridge–" Before I could finish my sentence, Jay had already grabbed the bag of food out of my hands and walked to the dining table. "What are you waiting for? Are you not gonna come eat with me?" A small smile crept on my face. He was trying to cheer me up, I can tell. Though, he probably thinks I'm gloomy because Jina wasn't home.

We sat at the dinner table and ate the food in silence. "Are you that sad that Jina wasn't home?" No. It was something else. I didn't reply and just kept on picking at my food. "I can invite the boys over if you want—" "Just Jake and Hoon, please?"

Jay's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "You don't like the others?" "No, I do. It's just, I want it to be the four of us today, like old times." Jay nodded and continued to eat.

One of the reasons I only wanted Jake and Sunghoon to come was so I didn't have to see Heeseung. That jerk can do whatever the hell he wants with that Yewon or whatever.

————— ★ —————

"Did someone miss usss?" I hear Sunghoon say as he and Jake peeked between my bedroom door. "Hey guys!" I greet them, trying to show no signs of sadness.