Do you love yourself enough?

CHAPTER 9 - being your own muse

Well I feel like I start learning how to love myself , quality time and basically good energy , it teaches me a lot and I think that's a really good think. I am indeed ended up all alone but I figured that I enjoy doing things by myself. I mean at home I could study , watch tv shows or kdramas , playing games without anyone interrupting. I feel like peace is definitely something that I truly need especially whenever i face hard time and just don't feel like talking with anyone. Some days i just don't feel like I want to talk , I just want to listen and be myself if I could , it's not that I am not do well at all sometimes it's just really exhausting and my social battery could easily run out. Growing up as an introvert having comfort zone it could easily change. I feel like whenever i get close with someone i bounce back because I don't want to get hurt and it's okay. That's when I ended up trying to find new people to fit in and getting to know others are an enjoyable things like you're welcoming a new home. Yet, it's how I feel drain too as well because I ended up realise that I have my own limit in which that I could only be around few people a day and it depends. I always want make others feel fit in whole-heartedly and to make a room. I feel like everyone want to feel heard so that's why I choose to become the person who's the one that listen to what people want to say till the very end. Let's say I miss to hear it or get distracted or interrupted , I always be like "hey sorry what are you trying to say just now" and I ended up listen all the way. It makes me realize that these days it's hard to find someone who could really listen you. I mean being a listener really make me realize that I am alone but shouldn't I at least find someone who could listen to me as well? I mean I always have so many things to say but I occur to bottle everything up and not speak about it because I don't feel like there's someone who would love to listen what I am about to say but either way I write them down. The words written down make me understand myself even better and that's how it doesn't make me feel so bad for not just open up knowing that I already feel heard even around myself. It does get hard sometimes but it's the fact that I allow myself to take rest and do all the things that make me happy literally put me together.