COMING OF AGE | Nishimura Riki

046 | wheel of fate

sato mai
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Will I ever get used to this life? Will there come a day when I feel like my life is normal? My life has never been normal, to be honest. Except now, I'm on another side of the abnormal life.

For so many years I wasn't meant to be happy and experience a happy ending. For me, it made sense why I had to suffer so much. Someone has to suffer and be miserable for someone else to be joyful and fortunate. Life is a wheel of fate - some suffer great misfortune, others gain windfalls.

I have reached a point of acceptance and enjoyment in my life. It took many years until I reached it. But it's better now than never. My life is also way different today compared to one year ago. I never thought my life could change so drastically in one year.

My perspective of life is different as well. Nowadays, I don't have to survive every day. I can just live without worries about tomorrow. I am no longer bound to restrictions that stop me. Nothing can stop me anymore.

I also came to a decision I never expected myself to make. I decided to drop out of school and be homeschooled instead. I am finished with Jishin. I no longer feel the need to attend even though I have a few more years until graduation. Ni-ki suggested switching to Kinmyaku instead of homeschooling but I rejected the offer. I might be the King's girlfriend, but that doesn't mean I am fancy enough to attend Kinmyaku.

I want to spend time with my Mom instead. Now that I have the opportunity to spend as much time with her as I want, why would I throw it away? I want to be there for her and make sure she is getting the right treatment. Since I have never been able to do that before is it important to me to do it now.

They say everything happens for a reason. What you are going through is not randomized, it has its purpose. That makes me wonder if my Dad was meant to die. If my father and the former king never died, I would still live in that nasty hostel fighting for my survival. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, I just wish that my Dad didn't have to die to make this happen.

"Mai?" Mrs. Nishimura called my name.

"Riki has arrived" She added.

I nodded and then took one last glance at my Dad's gravestone. I walked up to Mrs. Nishimura, who had her arms spread out, ready to hug me. The relationship Mrs. Nishimura and I have formed is something I never knew I needed, just like her son. Since Ni-ki has a lot with both his school life and royal life, Mrs. Nishimura and I spend a lot of time together.

Ni-ki was standing on the patio. A wide smile appeared on his face as he watched Mrs. Nishimura and me together. Mrs. Nishimura removed her arm from me and walked back to the palace while I stood still.

"How was school?" I asked while Ni-ki wrapped his arms around me.

"It feels weird to be back, but fortunately, I seem to be the only one who thinks so. Everyone else was the same except me" Ni-ki answered with a chuckle.

"There were two Jishin students who came up to me today. They said they were your classmates" He added.

"Who?" I asked.

"Hanami and Yui?" Ni-ki answered.

"Really? What did they want?" I replied and slowly removed myself from the hug, but stayed inside Ni-ki's embrace.

"They asked me if it was true that you had dropped out. They also wanted me to deliver a message from everyone, that they are sorry for what they have done" Ni-ki said.

I remained silent as I walked away from Ni-ki's embrace. I turned around to view the garden. I have received a lot of apologies lately, a lot more than I expected and I don't know how to handle them. Are they really sorry for what they have done now when I am the king's girlfriend?

The truth is out and everyone knows my Dad has been innocent the whole time. So, why does it feel weird to receive apologies from strangers and people I know? Probably because I am not used to this. But still, there is something that doesn't feel right. As if people are pretending to be sorry because they have to.

"Would you like to accompany me to Sanya tomorrow? I think it would be good for you to be somewhere else" Ni-ki asked while he wrapped his arm around my waist.

"What are we going to do?" I asked back.

"We are going to help the homeless people who live there. Give them food, blankets, and new clothes" Ni-ki answered.

"I would like to, but won't it be weird if I come along?" I replied.

"Why would it be weird?" Ni-ki responded.

"I don't know. It just feels weird. Like I shouldn't be there. I don't have a reason to be there" I said.

Ni-ki placed his hands on my hips. He looked me in the eyes. He is looking at me like I am the only person left on earth. That type of look is hard to forget.

"I know this is easier said than done, but you have to let go of the thoughts that are holding you back" Ni-ki said.

"That's why I wanted to protect you from the spotlight as much as I could. It's not an easy task to handle when you are not used to it. But I want you to know that I'm not gonna pressure you unto something. However, you have to get rid of those thoughts, or else they are gonna kill you" He added.

I wrapped my arms around Ni-ki's neck and buried my face in his neck. Despite the history I have with the royal family, I have never questioned my choice of dating Ni-ki. A lot had to do with the fact that I didn't know what I was getting myself into.

As I said, I never questioned my choice because I knew I loved him, and that was most important to me. Ni-ki has never done something wrong, he is doing the absolute most. He always makes sure I am alright and takes his time to see me despite having a busy schedule. I am the problem because I don't do the same for him.

I love him so much it hurts.

"Thank you" I said.

Ni-ki is right. I have to get rid of the thoughts that are holding me back, or else they will kill me. I have to realize that other people don't matter. What they think is not worth my time and energy because it's my life and not theirs.

I am willing and ready to do anything for Ni-ki just like he has done for me. Because at the end of the day. He is the reason for my survival and I owe him my life.